Have you ever had a notion but the words to express that thought (outside your own head) just don’t come to you? Often, when you least expect it . . . presto . . . there’s the words and syntax you’ve been looking for. It hasn’t happen this time.
I’ve been chewing on wordless thoughts since Sunday and it remains so. But I’ve decided that the time has come to attempt to dress them up in make-shift sentences to try and communicate it to others.
I’ve shared frequently about my struggles to live within the evangelical world while no longer being one myself. Once again I will indulge into this matter. But my reason and attitude is not from the position of “OMG, please help me I don’t know what to do!” But, more like, here I am on this journey and I want to jot down some observations, not about me so much, but about the issues.
A few weeks ago I shared that my evangelical church had a service as good as it gets . . . yet, I walked away unfulfilled. I would have to say that this past Sunday was the opposite. It was as bad as it gets . . . and I still walked away unfulfilled.
I considered it as bad because the sermon was about football. The pastor is a big football fan. The chief elder is a high school coach. We use to have a couple of other coaches in our congregation. The pastor’s brother is a high school coach. So the subject matter comes very easily to our congregation.
I think the reason I didn’t like the comparisons of football game to the good Christian (the good ones are the players and the bad ones, just fans) is because I was with my youngest son.
You see, for most of my sons, high school athletics were not a positive experience. They frankly didn’t care for them. Oddly they liked academics much more. However, their lack of interest in sports caused them to be the brunt of a lot of anti-social activity.
I remember when we first moved to Spring Valley, Minnesota (a farming and football town) I observed while a pick up truck load of players passed by our house and screamed at my sons (whom I obvious love very much), “Hey Jones Queers!”
I asked my sons, “What was that all about?”
One of my sons answered, “Dad, this is our lives all day, every day because we aren’t on the team.”
I’m not sure if their mom appreciates their dis-taste for organized sports as she was the proverbial cheerleader dating the quarterback throughout high school. You know, the small-town American dream.
So that was the first part of why Sunday wasn’t my favorite service.
The second part carries the greater mystery. You see, our church always has a new world changing program or emphasis each fall. They always peter out before a few months have passed. The first part of my disillusioned regards how evangelicals always see the problems of the world as being solvable by programs. I’m program-weary. I despise all of them . . . all hoopla and no meaning. I have no excitement when the newest, positive “God thing” comes down the tube.
The latest one is the “Truth Project.” Our church is going to jump in with both feet and if you aren’t jumping in too, then you are just a fan up in the football stadium . . . not a player on the field.
Why this creates so much turmoil in me is my most inward contradiction. I have always advocated studying church history, philosophy, art and science within the church setting, especially as it relates to understanding our present culture. On the surface, that is exactly what the Truth Project is. I should be jumping up and down . . . shouldn’t I?
I had only heard a little bit about it before Sunday, but as I sat there in the bleachers . . . I mean pew . . . I had a sad, uneasy feeling about this. I came home and studied the project online in more detail. I think I know why but I’m sure.
First of all, it is another evangelical project. I was very involved in such a project years ago called “I Found It!” We were going to reach the entire world for Christ within one year and then usher in Jesus’ second coming. I think it alienated more people than it attracted or helped. The effort consumed the best part of an entire year of my life.
The man behind the curtain was a Campus Crusade staff guy who had previous worked in and ad agency on Madison Avenue (if I remember correctly). His resume read like the perfect all-American, father, husband and Christian hero. He also had a strong, handsome, confident type-A persona. Looking back and deconstructing a bit, I see that the whole damn project was wrapped up in his personal ego.
Dr. Del Tackett, the man behind the curtain at the Truth Project reminds me so much of the man behind the “I Found It!” campaign. When I watched the video (online) about his great accomplishments, I get the ebie jeebies.
I hate being a cynic. I loose sleep over my self-doubts and guilt about it. I don’t mean to be. I mean, I’m really not an Eeyore. I see so much good in the world and so much beauty. I see so many wonderful people, so much so that I’m drowning in envy. But I am dubious about so much that is evangelical and the Truth Project is such a case.
The next issue about this project is the way in which it is packaged. It, for all practical purposes, is a MLM scheme. You can not participate unless you attend (and pay for) a training conference. Then you have to follow the plan and orders coming down from the top to a “T.” You must purchase their books, tapes and etc. A good, Jewish friend, named Dave, always tells me, "Mike it is about the money. Everything comes down to being about the money." In this case, I do think that the Truth Project will make someone (or some group) rich. Count the money.
The next point, is where I feel the guilt of my cynicism most acutely. It has to do with the experts featured in the project. I will just mention Os Guinness. You see, I’ve always been a fan of his. I’ve read about all of his books. I taught at least two Sunday school classes based on Os’ lectures (via tape). So I feel shameful that a project, which he supports and is part of, rubs me the wrong way.
What’s wrong with me?
Okay, one last point and I wish I had the elegant verbiage of a Kerouac, Dickens or Lawrence, but I don’t. It has to do with how these topics of philosophy, science and history are used in the Truth Project. Rather than helping us to see God at work in the world, the purpose of it seems to further divide the good guys from the bad guys in the perpetual culture wars (between the Evangelicals and nons).
I rest my case.
This is
11 comments:
You long for what is real. Something you can touch. Someone you can hold. Someone who will enjoy the quiet. People who know Jesus in the opposite of hype. Heart speaking to heart.
There's nothing wrong with you. We are not called to experience the same as the majority. It's obvious that the "church" you are experiencing is not for you. No matter how many times you suck it up, Sundays are not going to be you cup of tea :-)
Here's a story from Brennan Manning. Perhaps this story explains the longings of your heart?
Later in the evening as I dozed off, contrasting images danced on the screen of my mind: Carlton Hayes, a magnificently chiseled athlete in his early twenties, six-foot-three, 185 pounds, bounces on a trampoline flashing the irresistible Briteway smile. A crowd has gathered. He switches to skipping rope—a dazzling display of coordination, agility, and grace. The onlookers cheer. "Praise God," the athlete shouts.
Meanwhile, Moe, one of his retinue of attendants, approaches with a glass of Gatorade. In his early fifties, Moe is five-foot-four and paunchy. He wears a rumpled suit, shirt open at the collar, tie askew. Moe has a thinning sliver of matted hair extending from his temples to the back of his head where it disappears in a clump of gray-black hair. The little attendant is unshaven. His bulbous jowls and one glass eye cause the spectators' eyes to dart away.
"Pathetic little twerp," one man says.
"Just an obsequious, star-struck hanger-on," adds another.
Moe is neither. His heart is buried with Christ in the Father's love. He moves unself-consciously through the crowd and extends the Gatorade gracefully to the hero. He is as comfortable as a hand in a glove with his servant role (that is how Jesus first revealed Himself to Moe and transformed his life). Moe feels safe with himself.
That night, Carlton Hayes will deliver the main address at the banquet of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, who are attending from all fifty states. He will also be honored with a Waterford crystal cup as the first eight-time Olympic gold medalist.
Five thousand people gather at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel. Glitterati from the worlds of politics, sports, and show business are scattered throughout the room. As Hayes steps to the podium, the crowd is just finishing a sumptuous meal. The speaker's address abounds with references to the power of Christ and unabashed gratitude to God. Hearts are touched; men and women weep unashamedly, then give a standing ovation.
But behind the glossy delivery, Carlton's vacant stare reveals that his words do not inhabit his soul. Stardom has eroded his presence with Jesus. Intimacy with God has faded into the distance. The whispering of the Spirit has been drowned out by deafening applause.
Buoyed by success and the roar of the crowd, the Olympic hero moves easily from table to table. He ingratiates himself with everyone—from the waiters to the movie stars. Back at the Red Roof Inn, Moe eats his frozen TV dinner alone. He was not invited to the banquet at the Ritz-Carlton because, quite honestly, he just wouldn't fit in. Surely it wouldn't be fitting for a pot-bellied, glass-eyed, twerpy attendant to pull up a chair with the likes of Ronald Reagan, Charlton Heston, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Moe sits down at the table in his room and closes his eyes.
The love of the crucified Christ surges within him. His eyes fill with tears. "Thank You, Jesus," he whispers, as he peels the plastic top off his microwaved lasagna. He flips to Psalm 23 in his Bible.
I was in the dream, too. Where did I choose to spend that evening?
Don't feel to guilty about your cynicism. It might be the thing that keeps you sane :-)
Mike: check out Mike Bieder's blog through the Truth Project at;
http://thecreationofanevolutionist.blogspot.com/2010/01/searching-for-truth-in-truth-project.html
Mike the Geologist
The 'Truth Project' could certainly be an interesting exercise; it's fascinating to explore the nature of truth, how we perceive reality, and how our mental frameworks allow us to judge the value of conflicting statements.
The third entry in their FAQ defines truth as 'that which conforms to reality.' So far so good, I can agree with that, as I strongly identify as an empiricist. Truth claims should definitely be tested against reality, and where there's a contradiction between a statement and observable reality then we should revise the statement.
The next entry, however starts talking about a 'Biblical Worldview' , and then redefines truth as that which conforms to the Bible.
Now it seems to me that these are two quite different definitions, that could be in a lot of tension with one another. Unfortunately nowhere do I see an indication that these tensions will be explored. This is a shame, because this could be a very useful exercise.
For example, what do we do when our experience of reality stands in tension with the claims of the Bible? At the moment, the issues that are challenging me are not the big philosophical ones of creation, divine intervention and so forth, but the simpler ones regarding the behaviour of Christians.
1 John 13:35 says 'all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another'; yet I keep meeting Christians who don't love each other. Ephesians 4 talks about the unity of the church, yet I experience the church as deeply fractured and divided.
If the 'Truth Project' addressed these tensions, then I'd be all for it. Instead I see the fifth FAQ entry, which I suspect is the key one, that states that the project is fundamentally designed to counter postmodernism, and a rather poorly understood postmodernism at that.
Haven't read anything from Brennan before. Sounds like an interesting man. Thanks for sharing it and it does seem to express the point I as trying to make, better.
Mike, I read his blog. Many interesting comments from people actually working their way through the program. Interesting.
Trevor, I share your concern. As others have said (in so many words) part of it has to do with who is defining truth. If the "truth" defined by them is not consistent with the truth you know to be real, then there is tremendous social coercion to conform to their truth.
I also don't like the way that truth is used as a weapon to point to and define the evil people of the world.
It seemed to me that Francis Schaeffer (at least the early Schaeffer before he met the American Evangelicals) wanted to know truth for our own enhancement of life. Also to see how we have been misled at points ... not to define the enemy.
Finally have the time to comment on this (and there's a lot to comment on). This is going to be pretty raw stream of consciousness...
I considered it as bad because the sermon was about football. The pastor is a big football fan. The chief elder is a high school coach. We use to have a couple of other coaches in our congregation. The pastor’s brother is a high school coach. So the subject matter comes very easily to our congregation.
...
You see, for most of my sons, high school athletics were not a positive experience.
I went to high school from 1969 to 1973. I have been trying in vain to forget those four years ever since.
You see, I was in the same boat as your son. Football jocks, football coaches, and cheerleaders were The Master Race and all the rest of us were the Subhumans. And I was at the bottom of the Subhumans.
I remember when we first moved to Spring Valley, Minnesota (a farming and football town) I observed while a pick up truck load of players passed by our house and screamed at my sons (whom I obvious love very much), “Hey Jones Queers!”
I asked my sons, “What was that all about?”
One of my sons answered, “Dad, this is our lives all day, every day because we aren’t on the team.”
At least it was "QUEER!" and not "FAGGOT!" With me, there was also being threatened regularly with being dragged behind the backstop and gang-raped up the ass like "the faggot you are".
(Note that just like in a prison rape, only the penetrated sub on the bottom is the Fag; the penetrating dom on top is The Real Man because he made a woman out of you. When I described my high school career to people, they'd often thing I was describing how People thought I'd done time in prison.)
Have any of your sons been decoyed into bathrooms and then dogpiled and their jaw almost broken? Have they learned to hold it in all day and only pee in the one or two "safe" bathrooms nobody ever goes into?
(Having to break this into two parts because of your blog engine's maximum comment length...)
I’m not sure if their mom appreciates their distaste for organized sports as she was the proverbial cheerleader dating the quarterback throughout high school. You know, the small-town American dream.
I think this explains a lot about your wife. Has she replaced high school with the church and "is still in high school"? Satisfied with the Evangelical farce because she's the BWOC there, still the Cheerleader?
It was my experiences with cheerleaders in high school (many of whom I knew from grade school) that taught me to distrust and hate females. This deep distrust of women is a part of high school that has never left me. The only exception was Ann eight years after I escaped high school, and you know how that ended.
The second part carries the greater mystery. You see, our church always has a new world changing program or emphasis each fall. They always peter out before a few months have passed.
Not "program" or "emphasis" -- FAD DU JOUR. And like all fads, it quickly becomes "so day-before-yesterday".
First of all, it is another evangelical project. I was very involved in such a project years ago called “I Found It!”
I remember that one! And all the parodies -- "I Lost It!", the Mogem David with "I Never Lost It!", Campus Crusade for Cthulhu with "IT Found Me!"
We were going to reach the entire world for Christ within one year and then usher in Jesus’ second coming.
Note what you just said. You were "reaching them for Christ" not for them aor for anything about them, but to "reach" everybody to fulfill some prophecy so the world could end.
The next issue about this project is the way in which it is packaged. It, for all practical purposes, is a MLM scheme.
Which Christians are very prone to. What do you think Campus Crusade's "Multiplying Ministry" was but a "Pyramid Scheme for Jesus"? (Or Packaging Christ as Pyramid Scheme?) I'd get the heebie-jeebies from that, too:
"Gonna jive my way
To the top of the Pyramid,
The top of the Pyramid;
Gonna get my name
On top of that list..."
-- Dr Demento song about "Pyramid Power"
Headless Unicorn Guy
I’m not sure if their mom appreciates their distaste for organized sports as she was the proverbial cheerleader dating the quarterback throughout high school. You know, the small-town American dream.
I think this explains a lot about your wife. Has she replaced high school with the church and "is still in high school"? Satisfied with the Evangelical farce because she's the BWOC there, still the Cheerleader?
It was my experiences with cheerleaders in high school (many of whom I knew from grade school) that taught me to distrust and hate females. This deep distrust of women is a part of high school that has never left me. The only exception was Ann eight years after I escaped high school, and you know how that ended.
The second part carries the greater mystery. You see, our church always has a new world changing program or emphasis each fall. They always peter out before a few months have passed.
Not "program" or "emphasis" -- FAD DU JOUR. And like all fads, it quickly becomes "so day-before-yesterday".
First of all, it is another evangelical project. I was very involved in such a project years ago called “I Found It!”
I remember that one! And all the parodies -- "I Lost It!", the Mogem David with "I Never Lost It!", Campus Crusade for Cthulhu with "IT Found Me!"
We were going to reach the entire world for Christ within one year and then usher in Jesus’ second coming.
Note what you just said. You were "reaching them for Christ" not for them aor for anything about them, but to "reach" everybody to fulfill some prophecy so the world could end.
The next issue about this project is the way in which it is packaged. It, for all practical purposes, is a MLM scheme.
Which Christians are very prone to. What do you think Campus Crusade's "Multiplying Ministry" was but a "Pyramid Scheme for Jesus"? (Or Packaging Christ as Pyramid Scheme?) I'd get the heebie-jeebies from that, too:
"Gonna jive my way
To the top of the Pyramid,
The top of the Pyramid;
Gonna get my name
On top of that list..."
-- Dr Demento song about "Pyramid Power"
Headless Unicorn Guy
I play some sports in highschool. Not much. I do like to follow some,such as NCAA basketball. However I wonder what the sports culture of the formative years have done to our kids.
I mean, all you hear is about the great benefits of playing team sports. You rarely hear about those, such as yourself and my own kids, who experience some deep pain. I think it could be the untold story.
I think that's why it is a little hard when I see the gospel so often mixed with sports.
The most extreme example was the "Caged fighting church" that I mentioned once before. You could hear the pastor, during his interview, language such as, "We want to teach men how to be real men of God." So being gladiators was the right way, at least in his eyes.
I better stop mentioning my wife. I always regret it after I do. She has plenty of positive things and we do have a healthy marriage despite our different views on the church situation.
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