Monday, July 28, 2008

Jesus at the Cafe Part II - Lacey's Assignment

Continued from previous posts:

Lacey: “Jesus, you know that I’m lonely. I try hard not to be, but I really thought I would be married with a couple of kids by now.”

Jesus: “Yes, Lacey, I do know that you’re lonely. I care very much about that. You know, I have sent you four great men and you weren't interested.”

(Lacey looking very confused)

Lacey: What men!? I don’t know of any men that came my way.

Jesus: Yes you do. Let me name a couple. What about Allen Page?

(Lacey’s confusion continues)

Lacey: “Allen Page? Allen Page, he wasn’t interested in me. I mean, every girl in seminary had a crush on him . . . but he was way out of my league. He never gave me a second glance.”

Jesus: “I beg to differ. Don’t you remember him asking you to help him drive the YMCA kids to the Christian music festival?”

Lacey: “But Jesus . . . he was only looking for another driver, not a girlfriend.”

Jesus: “Again, I beg to differ. He really was interested in you and I believe the two of you would have made a great couple.”

(Lacey goes from looking confused, to blushing to right out laughter)

Lacey: “Jesus, you must be crazy. That was during my chubby days. Guys never flirted with me then and especially not Allen.”

(Jesus speaks in a clam voice but very direct)

Jesus: “Lacy, do you really think I’m crazy?”

Lacey: (putting her hand over her mouth) “Oh no . . . just a figure of speech.”

Jesus: “Listen to me child. I’m telling you the truth, that Allen was very interested in you. He didn’t flirt with you, like some men did after you became thin, because he didn’t just see you as a semen depository, but a whole, wonderful women . . . whom he could really respect. Lacey you rejected every attempt by him to get to know you better, so he eventually gave up.”

(Tears start to come to Lacey’s eyes. Meanwhile Jake is appalled by Jesus’ language.)

Jake’s Id: I knew that this man was an impostor. He claims he doesn’t know me and of course the real Jesus would know me and of me. The real Jesus wouldn’t use such raunchy language either.

Jesus: “Lacey I think I know what you are thinking, and don’t go there. Allen is happily married now and has two lovely children. But there were other men. More recently, there was Bob Hodges. Don’t tell me that you didn’t know he was interested in you.”

Lacey: “Well, no, I guess I knew that he was. I mean I did go out with him a couple of times.”

Jesus: “But what happened? Bob was a great guy and extremely nurturing. He would have eventually made up for some of the nurturing that you lost out as a child. Your father left when you were five. Then you mother, who loved you very much, had to work two jobs to support you. Bob was an ideal man for you and was a humble follower of me. What went wrong?

Lacey: “I don’t know. It just didn’t seem like it would work out.”

Jesus: (smiling) “Lacey, should I tell them the honest reason?”

Lacey: (looking down) “I guess it’s okay.”

Jesus: “If I remember right, it’s because you thought he was fat.”

Lacey: (looking around the table and speaking in an emotional voice) “It wasn’t that simple! You see, I had worked very hard to get thin and I had finally gotten there. I was afraid if I hung out with Bob . . . or married him, that I would get fat too.”

Jesus: “Lacey, you have a fear of fatness because you don’t like yourself. It isn't because you think it will keep you from getting a good man. Here, you had a good man and you let your thinness get in the way. . . Look at me. Lacey, you are precious in my sight and I love you dearly. In my righteousness, I have given you immense value. You need to accept that. Do you think you can?"

Lacey: “Yes I think I can.”

Jesus: “Okay, my first assignment is for you. How long has it been since you’ve had waffles with ice cream?”

Lacey: “I don’t know. Maybe once, when I was a little girl.”

Jesus: “How long has it been since you’ve had any ice cream, you know more than just one bite?”

Lacey: “Years.”

Jesus: “Okay, I’m ordering you waffles and ice cream and I want you to do the same every morning for the next month.”

Lacey: “The next month! Are you crazy?”

(Jesus just looks at her and smiles)

Lacey: “But Jesus, I’ve worked so hard to get where I’m at. I’m sure I’ll gain weight if I do that.”

Jesus: “Yeah you will . . . just a few pounds. But that’s okay. Look at my faithful servant Luther. He loved his beer and his waist showed it. But he did, which few have, start to understand that my righteousness is his.”

(Jake is still siting quietly)

Jake's Id: "See this man can't be Jesus. Jesus wouldn't be promoting gluttony."

(Looking across the table at John Jesus speaks to him)

Jesus: “John, this brings me to you. Lacey here lives on about thirty thousand dollars a year, and she gives twenty five percent of that back to her church. Would you please pick up the tab for her waffles?’

(John smiling)

John: “Sure.”

John’s Id: I knew I shouldn’t have come here this morning. My future is not with this church anyway. Now it’s going to end up costing me $250. That burns me up . . . Me paying for this woman’s silly waffles.

(Jesus motions for a Hispanic woman, who’s in her upper thirties to come to the table)

Jesus: “Maria isn’t it?”

Maria: “Yes.”

Jesus: Maria, can you bring this young woman here a large plate of waffles and ice cream, I think vanilla is her favorite. If she fails to show up for one morning, in the next month, please let me know.

More to come . . .

No comments: