Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Jeus in the Cafe IV - Jake's Day of Reckoning

You must read the previous 4-5 posts to understand this one.

(As John leaves the café, Jesus turns in his seat and looks over at Jake)

Jesus: “Well Jake, how’re you coming with your list of your Christian accomplishments?’

(Jake with a frown on his face, slides two napkins with about thirty lines of writing on each, towards Jesus. Jesus grabs then, then without looking at them, wads them up and leaves them on the table. Jake lets out a loud disapproving sigh.)

Jake’s Id: I’ve about had it with this imposter. Why in the hell did he want me to write all those things down and then not even look at them? He’s a first class con man and I’m ready to expose him. He has already offended John, and he’ll probably never come back to the church. As an elder and community Christian leader, I’ve got to end this here and now. God knows that Lacey doesn’t have the balls to do it.

(About this time Maria arrives with a large pan of water, a washcloth and towel. Jesus smiles gently at her.)

Maria: “Sir, you gave me far too much money for a tip. I didn’t even know how much it was until I was in the back.” (She hands Jesus the wad of money).

Jesus: “Oh, keep it.” (Pushing her fist-full of money back towards her.) “I really didn’t give to money for your sake . . . although I’m sure you will put it to good use. I really gave it to you for John’s sake. He must have been satisfied with my decision because he’s no longer here is he?”

Maria: (with tears in her eyes) Oh thank you sir!

(Melvin and Lacey are both looking at the pan of water with great curiosity, then Jake abruptly and loudly speaks)

Jake: “Okay, this circus is ending now! I’m now in charge of this meeting and I must expose you, whoever you are (looking at Jesus) as a fraud! We are done playing your little mind games.”

Jesus: “And you really believe that I’m not who I say I am? So, what would it take to convince you?”

(Jake looks both defensive and puzzled. After thinking for a few minutes, he speaks.)

Jake: “Okay Mr. hot-shot, if you are the real Jesus, do a miracle! Turn that pan of water into wine. Or take a sword, or kitchen knife . . . cut my ear off and then put it back on.”

(Jesus looks at Jake in silence for a moment.)

Jesus: “So you want a miracle. Everybody wants a miracle. Oh, you of such small faith. (long pause). Don’t they say that a pen is mightier than the sword? Then hand me your pen.”

(Jake takes his pen back out of his shirt pocket and hands it to Jesus. Jesus pulls another napkin out of the chrome napkin holder and writes on it. He spins it around where Jake can read it. Jake frowns and then goes completely white as sweat pops out on his brow. Lacey, out of curiosity, reaches for the napkin and reads it out loud.)

Lacey: “Jennifer Wilson. Jennifer Wilson, what does this mean?”

Jesus: “Ask Jake.”

(The color is starting to come back to Jake’s face).

Jake: “Oh, she’s a gal I knew in college . . . I may have dated her once.”

Jesus: “Well Jake should I tell them?”

Jake: “Tell them what? I mean that was a long time ago and I barely remember her. She was a real nobody on campus.”

Jesus: “She remembers you.”

Jake: “What point are you trying to make, Jesus?”

(Jesus turns to look at the whole group)

Jesus: “You see, Jennifer was a girl that Jake dated once . . . but she never dated him again because he raped her.”

(Jake looking very hostile)

Jake: “That’s a lie! I never did such a thing! Yes, I may have slept with her, but I slept with a lot of girls when I was in college. I was a football star and it was before I met Christ!”

Jesus: “But have we met?”

Jake: “Well, you keep claiming that we haven't, but, how did you know about Jennifer? Huh, tell me that!”

Jesus: “Oh . . . because I know Jennifer. And I know that she has never been the same since your little date. She was a virgin and you took that away from her against her wishes. The only reason she didn’t turn you in is that she was so ashamed . . . and still is.”

Jake: “I think her memory is wrong! Back in those days every girl on campus wanted me.”

Jesus: “She didn’t. Not in that way. Yes, you might have been her knight in shinning armor, but she didn’t go out with you to sleep with you. She wanted to be your princess, a princess that you respected. Jake, I know this is troubling to you, but it’s time that we dealt with the past.”

Jake: “That was all long time ago, but I am a totally different man now.”

Jesus: “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Are you a different man . . . really?”

Jake: “Oh, good grief. If you hadn’t wadded up those napkins you would see all the things I’ve accomplished for you over the past ten years.”

Jesus: “Could it be that you simply exchanged collecting football trophies to collecting Christian trophies? Wasn’t that napkin just another list, a list of trophies? And what about Jennifer? Did you ever go back and tell her how sorry you were? Did you ever tell her that none of it was her fault? And speaking of women, what about Nancy Gaver, at your old church. Do they know you seduced her?”

Jake: “Now that was a big mistake. I talked to my pastor AND MY WIFE about that, and I ended it!”

Jesus: “Only because you got caught!.

(Jake looks like he is about to explode)

Jake: "I’ve had it with this crap! I’ve done so much for this community . . . a lot of good. This church wouldn’t be where it was today if it had not been for MY leadership. I’m out of here and I’m not taking this abuse any more!”

(Jake jumps up and walks out of the café leaving only Jesus, Lacey and Melvin . . . both of them stunned and speechless.)

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