On Stage Without a Script - Act III

I'm pulling an Imonk, more than one posting in a day:>)

I felt a little sick for the rest of the day . . . knowing that I had put my foot in my mouth. When I was in bed that night watching the news and Susan reading her romance novel I spoke to her.

ME: “I think I made Ralph mad today.”

SUSAN: “Ralph? Where did you see him?”

ME: “At the coffee shop.  I saw him and Linda Cooper sitting at a table.”

SUSAN: “Aren’t they co-teaching the youth class?”

ME: “Yeah. That’s what they were doing, preparing for it.”

SUSAN: “So . . . what did you do to make him mad.”

ME: “Well, I was just curious if he felt comfortable, or more than that, if Kathryn felt comfortable with him working with such an attractive woman. I know that it would seem strange for me and maybe for you.”

SUSAN: “You said that right in front of both of them?”

ME: “No! Linda had left. But I was just curious. I didn’t mean anything by it.”

SUSAN: “Dan! Of course he’s mad at you. Why would you do such a thing of accusing him of having alterative motives? What’s wrong with you!?”

ME: “I wasn’t accusing him of anything. I, like a scientist, was just curious. I didn’t mean any harm by it. It is just a thought that crossed my mind when I saw the two sitting there, laughing with their heads together.”

SUSAN: “This is bad!  I think you owe him an apology.  Ralph is a godly man for whom I have a deep respect. I’m sure his motives are pure. And Linda . . . I’ve never met a sweeter lady.”

ME: “But just imagine that I was spending a lot of time with Linda and we were laughing with our heads together . . . would you not be a little jealous?”

SUSAN: “I’ve always trusted you but maybe I shouldn’t. Do you think Linda is pretty?”

ME: I thought long and hard before I answered. “Of course she is pretty. That’s a no-brainer. Ninety nine out of a hundred men would think so.”

SUSAN: “Do you think she is prettier than me?”

ME: My feelings have gone from bad to terrible and I feel cornered.  I have a deep desire to speak truth yet I don’t want to hurt anyone. “Susan. I love you, I’m attracted to you, I’m devoted to you that’s what counts . . . isn’t it?”

SUSAN: She seems to be angry. “You are stonewalling aren’t you?”

ME: “Okay, let’s be objective. Is Linda more attractive than you?  Well, first of all, she is what . . . fifteen years younger than you. So that is not fair to compare the two of you. She was a model wasn’t she? So society must agree that she is attractive.  So, in objective terms . . . yes she is probably more attractive, in general, than you. But please understand that It is you I love and am devoted to. I find you very attractive.”

Susan sits in silence and goes back to reading her book. You can tell she is angry.

ME: “Okay, don’t be upset about this. Of course Ralph is far more attractive in general than I am. That’s a given fact. I would say many men are more handsome that me. That is just a fact. I’m sure you find them more attractive than me and it doesn’t matter as long as you love me . . . right?”

SUSAN: “I’ve never noticed if Ralph is handsome or not. Looks don’t matter to me the way they do you. I just know that I love you and the thought of being attracted to another man has never crossed my mind since we said our vows twenty five years ago.”

I went back to watching TV wishing that I could do this entire day over. I have both feet in my mouth now.  I got up to turn off the TV and Susan was still reading with her bedside lamp on.  I closed my eyes and said “good night.”

SUSAN: “I’m feeling upset Dan.  I honestly think you are the one who is attracted to Linda and I would have never guessed it. I think I need to keep my eye on you.”

ME: “Of course you need to keep an eye on me. I should keep an eye on you too.”

SUSAN: “You can if you want . . . but you are wasting your time. I took our vows seriously.”

I lay in bed feeling so confused. The previous two weeks have been a mess. I sense the anger of the pastor towards me, then Ralph and now my wife. I don't know what I did wrong. I don't understand the script. I didn't mean anything that I appear to mean to them. I don't understand social cues about what to say and what not to say. I'm a freakin mess!