I had seen him on the Elipical. I made a point to wave at him, he nodded. It was so obvious he saw me. I think we were the only two in the aerobic side of the room at that early hour.
When I was done with my run on the treadmill, I noticed he was gone. I went to hit the showers so I could get to work.
I got in the locker room and stripped off. I entered the shower. When I was done I came out. There he stood and I know that I caught his eye but he didn't look at me. I spoke up, "Joe!" He looked at me, looked surprised he did, "oh, I didn't know you were here (couldn't have missed me)." I decided right then that the best path out of all this, was to pretend . . . pretend that nothing had ever happened between us.
If you know me, I hate pretending, but the other course of actually talking about things, would lead to despair . . . if not conflict. I feel he has sinned against me and my family . . . he feels I've sinned against him and his church. We smile. We pretend that all is well. Maybe that's as good as it gets. Maybe there is some metaphor I'm missing, you know, the first time we see each other after the big confrontation . . . and we are both in our birthday suits. Gotta laugh.
I haven't been around for a while as I'm still in the thick of creating a new business. I have another blog where I'm chronicling that experience. I hope to be back here soon and to iMonk.
I will say, speaking of the above, that it has been six months now since I've left my old church and joined my new. I was just thinking this morning how smart that was. I still enjoy going to my new church. It fits like a shoe cobbled just for me.
I entered our sanctuary this morning a little late. The liturgy on the overhead, which we read together, started by saying, "You've entered a safe place . . ." Then it went on for a few paragraphs. I've always said that church should be the safest place in society. Often it is the reverse.
There is still some tension between Denise and me over this move. I've disappointed her again. She has great friends in the old church and I think she sees me as a trouble maker. But it feels so good to go to church again. I hope that we find peace in this awkward setting again.
I know on this blog the stats still tells me that the most visited page is the one about my struggle with anxiety. For that reason, I will link (here) to my discussion about my anxiety which I posted on my professional blog.