Thesis III: Emotional DishonestyWhen you believe that we are just spiritual beings (see my previous thesis item) then our personality, will and behavior are fluid. After all it is just a spirit which can turn on a dime. Therefore, all that we are (according to them) is based on our soul being created by God, our obedience or lack of and then possibly supernatural influence by the Holy Spirit or a demon.
But, in a monistic way of looking at ourselves, we have a very important physical part to who we are . . . precisely our brains. While the spiritual soul can turn on a dime, the physical brain can not. Basically, we carry the same general personalities and traits, once we reach grade school, for the rest of our lives.
Evangelicals believe that at the moment that we become Christians, we are suddenly changed. We have no lingering sin but can decide each day if we are going to be "spirit filled," which means really means being perfect.
If you value the role of our brains, change comes very, very slowly and with a great deal of effort. Sin has tainted our personalities and that tainting does not go away by jumping through "Christian education" hoops (or discipleship).
In my opinion, most of what evangelicals see as Christian maturity is socialization. As a new Christian you first learn to stop saying Christian-socially unaccepted words (damn, hell, shit, etc.). You learn to start smiling more, especially when you are around other Christians. You learn clichés, ways of talking, and it earns a lot of socialization points to speak a lot of "God stuff" or miracles. You can see your Christian friend's eyes light up, smiles come on their faces as a type of positive feedback.
In the meanwhile, our true natures are basically the same. We ALL are deeply insecure and are desperate to feel like we have value and to be loved. We would almost (and some do) kill to meet this primal goal.
Of course Jesus has solved that problem (having value) but none of us fully grasp it during our lifetimes.
So, when in reality, you are broken and want to desperately to be important, but on the surface, as an Evangelical, you think that you have "grown" past all of that . . . you have one choice, fake it.
I believe that Evangelicals create layers upon layers of facade to cover their real motives and to look more '"godly." That's what I mean by Evangelicals living up on the 30th floor, pastors up the the 50th and TV evangelists up on the 80th floor, just beneath the schizophrenics (who are totally out of touch with reality). It is what Jesus was referring to when he called the Pharisees white washed walls (simple surface facade over raw ugliness).
I'm sorry but I'm back. I started working on this, then accidentally published it rather than save it. Then I got busy. I cleaned up a few typos. I realize that I was about done anyway.
So, that is why it is very hard to have a real conversation with evangelicals. That's why I felt like I could not talk to my church board (they function up on the 30-40th floor). That's why the pastor screaming had me, made me mad as hell, but even though he was screaming with a contorted face . . . according to him he wasn't angry but only carrying our pastorally duties to confront sin (down on the 1st floor he really pissed because I left his church upon whose success his self-esteem is based.)
The worse part of is, just like in normal society, within the Christian fold there are plenty of people with psychological baggage. This can be from (possible genetic + plus early childhood trauma) people with personality disorders. I wrote extensively about this a couple of years ago. So people with narcissistic personalities often find themselves in positions of leadership. They are very skilled (because they are often very intelligent and articulate) in manipulating people with Christian guilt. Guilt is the cattle prod of dysfunctional church life.
Then you can have people with borderline personality disorders. They can wreck havoc in church life, and always come out as the saint (but they are desperate to make people love them and if they don't love them, they will make sure they have hell to pay . . . but do it in such a crafty way that no one notices that is is not of God.
I think I will end my thesis.
8 comments:
*applause*
When authenticity is seen as evil and masks are seen as good...there is something really unhealthy going on.
The ease with which the Christian community can be duped is really scary to me. It has made me question my own Christian faith at a very profound level (in fact, I'm not so sure I've recovered from it...still kind of shaky down there...no certainty, other than I love God). The claim is that the Christian has the Spirit and has all this discernment...but, in reality, what I've experienced is a whole lot of rewarded fakeness, a celebration of inauthenticity, and a gullible people who have no idea they have intuition, much less should use it.
I'm a little burned, albeit. My ex can dupe people like nobody's business (all you have to do is say the right words and the church world will be fawning all over you). The professionals in the mental health field pretty much agree: NOT a healthy person, and that has been well diagnosed by this point. But the general church world? They wouldn't even know what signs to look for---they're too blinded by his frequent and skilled use at all the "key words" that guarantee him to be a wonderful Christian man.
*groan*
So...how is it that they have God in their midst and He has made them into these great and wonderful people? What kind of Gospel is it that turns people into blind idiots (yet who truly believe they are better, wiser, and more discerning than everyone else)?
I don't know. I can't buy into that Gospel, because it is anything but "good news." I recognize that there are many good-hearted people there, people with great intentions. I'm not speaking against the people, just against the monstrousity that Evangelicalism is, the damage that it does, and the horrible way it preys on people who innocently had a spiritual hunger and were looking for a way to grow.
I love my little liturgical (liberal) church that concentrates its efforts on the Eucharist and on reaching out to the poor. And I love God. I love the Jesus I read about in the Gospels. I don't have a lot of certainty...but I have a certainty about love. As for the evangelical circus, I have washed my hands of it and, damn, now they feel so clean!
AinM
*applause*
When authenticity is seen as evil and masks are seen as good...there is something really unhealthy going on.
The ease with which the Christian community can be duped is really scary to me. It has made me question my own Christian faith at a very profound level (in fact, I'm not so sure I've recovered from it...still kind of shaky down there...no certainty, other than I love God). The claim is that the Christian has the Spirit and has all this discernment...but, in reality, what I've experienced is a whole lot of rewarded fakeness, a celebration of inauthenticity, and a gullible people who have no idea they have intuition, much less should use it.
I'm a little burned, albeit. My ex can dupe people like nobody's business (all you have to do is say the right words and the church world will be fawning all over you). The professionals in the mental health field pretty much agree: NOT a healthy person, and that has been well diagnosed by this point. But the general church world? They wouldn't even know what signs to look for---they're too blinded by his frequent and skilled use at all the "key words" that guarantee him to be a wonderful Christian man.
*groan*
So...how is it that they have God in their midst and He has made them into these great and wonderful people? What kind of Gospel is it that turns people into blind idiots (yet who truly believe they are better, wiser, and more discerning than everyone else)?
I don't know. I can't buy into that Gospel, because it is anything but "good news." I recognize that there are many good-hearted people there, people with great intentions. I'm not speaking against the people, just against the monstrousity that Evangelicalism is, the damage that it does, and the horrible way it preys on people who innocently had a spiritual hunger and were looking for a way to grow.
I love my little liturgical (liberal) church that concentrates its efforts on the Eucharist and on reaching out to the poor. And I love God. I love the Jesus I read about in the Gospels. I don't have a lot of certainty...but I have a certainty about love. As for the evangelical circus, I have washed my hands of it and, damn, now they feel so clean!
AinM
Anonymous, I wish these topics were talked about more.
My previous church in MN, allowed me to do some creative Sunday school classes (would never have been allowed here at the church I just left). I had a class on how the present church had been influenced by history including non-Christian influences. I had a class on doubt. But I wanted to do one on mental illness within the church.
MJ,
A course in mental illness and the church sounds fascinating. I'd love to take it, because I've run across a number of people struggling with it.
And the first time that you have a schizophrenic co-worker, can be challenging. After he started, he got off his meds.
After reading all the stories posted here, I am very aware that my scars are skin scratches compared to what others have gone through.
May you have a good, blessed week
What is seen as Christian maturity is socialization. That is certainly an astute observation, MJ.
Learning to tone down outward manifestations of anger (no matter what is actually happening inside) and using phrases such as "it is God's will" and "give it to God", allow people to be viewed as spiritually-minded. Some are truly sincere but when no emotions that could be construed as negative are expressed or allowed, I start to wonder.
AinM, there is such wisdom in your comment. I like the part about people not realizing they can use their intuition. Our intuition can be such a powerful God-given servant but how maligned it is in the evangelical culture.
My nerves are constantly on edge from having to cover up my real self and it is blogs like yours, MJ, and your former blog, AinM (miss your blog so very much) that have helped the healing process.
Anna A, I feel the same about my injuries being only skin scratches. That is scary because if my tiny scratches hurt so much, an incredible amount of suffering must be going on with people who have been deeply wounded.
No MJ you are correct. Evangelical Christinaity is an act. You learn the lanhuage, culture, etc.. You know what to say and not say. In my case it lead to some sad situations. My accountability partner lived a double life for years and I never caught on untill the end. I would hear testimonis about how people are :new creations","reborn" etc.. and it almost seemed as if their bevahior became worse at times.
I can't figure it out...
Eagle, for me personally, I don't completely default to the Holden Caulfied level believing to believing that everyone is a complete phony.
In the midst of our phoniness, there are pockets of sincerity and honesty. I've seen people do for me and others, things that would have no value to themselves but completely altruistic. I've tried but not sure if I've ever done many (altruistic acts).
We are all fallen, messed up, but not completely jerks . . . just mostly jerks.
Even within Evangelicalism, there are plenty of sincere people while I agree, on the surface there is a lot of pretense.
Just my opinion.
But, in a monistic way of looking at ourselves, we have a very important physical part to who we are . . . precisely our brains. While the spiritual soul can turn on a dime, the physical brain can not. Basically, we carry the same general personalities and traits, once we reach grade school, for the rest of our lives.
Ever wondered if that was what St Paul meant in the famous quote "The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"?
Headless Unicorn Guy
Post a Comment