Tuesday, December 29, 2009
I Am A Grandfather . . . What More Can I Say?
It is two thirty in the morning my time and I don’t think I’ve seen any sleep yet. In a few hours it will be time to go off to a busy day at work.
I am a grandfather. It seems surreal. My grandson Oliver William Jones came into this world (with some hesitation I may add) about an hour and half ago. Even in the grainy phone camera, he looks beautiful.
There is such a flood of emotions at a time like this . . . it is so hard to put into words. As I alluded to, it does not seem real or even possible. The fact that my son Bryan, and his wife Renee, live so far away makes it especially difficult. We want to be there. We knew when they moved from here and we felt the acute pain of that move, that there would be a time when that pain would be added to when we had grand kids coming into this world and the distance would keep them from us.
I can’t imagine the glory that Bryan and Renee feel at this moment, along with the exhaustion. Actually I can imagine it. Because some 26 years ago, Denise were laying in St. Joes Hospital in Ann Arbor, Michigan relishing in that same glory as Bryan himself came into this world.
Much of me feels so happy. Of course there is nothing that makes a parent more happy than knowing that their son or daughter is feeling intense joy. I want to share with them in the overflow of that joy.
Part of me, in a selfish way, feels some sadness. It is such a profound reminder to me of that magnificent night that Denise and I shared a long time ago. While the memory is of course still there, but clouded by time (I can’t remember exactly what I was wearing or the exact words Denise or I said) but the experience itself has been taken from me by the passing of time. If I could push a magic button and go back to that night, I would in a second. In a self-centered way, I want to once again relish in that glory.
I know, the first words out of anyone’s mouth would be to take that desire and fill it up in Bryan and Renee’s moment. I can do that. I can cherish this time and I bet there will be a day when I will long to come back to this very night when I first became a grand father. But still, the soft ache in the corner is real and I can not pretend it is not there . . . to be 26 myself again and to hold my son in my arms once more . . . who is now . . . holding his own.
I have to stop typing because the tears, whether they are of joy or sadness, but probably both, are making it impossible to see the lap top screen.
I know that Denise would be very disappointed in me for writing anything "negative" on a night like tonight, but, I can't imagine her ever having a desire to read this blog in the first place.
Posted by MJ at 2:53 AM