New Look . . . But Still Here . . . Lonely Man Will Continue

Sorry about the confusion about the change. I've had the same lay out for about two years and I thought it was time for a change. After reading a lot of blogs lately, I really thought I could improve the layout of this one by getting rid of some of the busy whistles and bells. I will continue working on it over the next few days. I also want to get the old camera out and start using more of my own photos. So the next time (months away I hope) that I bring of "lonely man" issue . . . I'll have a photo of myself sitting on the beach . . . alone . . . crying in my beer. Ha.

The Dilemma of the Lonely Christian Man Part II

I approach this topic not as some type of critic, but as an observer and questioner. I honestly don’ know the answers to the questions but I’m just thinking outside my head.

Here’s a series of the questions that I have, and I will discuss them afterwards.

1) Is the Lonely-Christian-Man syndrome just my personal problem, or is it pandemic?

2) I was told by a pastor, as I graduated from college, that the college years are unique and I will never, ever have relationships again that close. Is this a fact and if so, does it have to be that way?

3) Assuming that I’m not alone in this syndrome, what are the causes?

4) Are they ways, “steps 1, 2 and 3,” that I can do to change things . . . at least in my micro-cosmos?

The Cause # 1, The Fear of Being Known:

I know I’m speaking out of order of the questions I asked above . . . but I think the cause has several factors. The catch-all answer is of course the fall of Adam and individual alienation that comes in its wake. But I want to think about the particulars . . . how that general idea works itself out on a day to day basis.

I’ve said before (in many posts ago) that if you boil down all human behavior, I really think you can say it is based on what I call the economics of self-worth. We all want to have value to our friends, our families and of course with God. Some would call it self-esteem but I’m talking about a concept that is a little more complicated than that.

I had a good, ex-Lutheran pastor, friend I will call "R". I don’t mention R haphazardly because he was one of my last good friends. I lost him as a friend, because he became more and more precise about doctrine (about the Lutheran church is the only true church) and eventually he, by his choice, stopped being my friend. But that’s a side topic.

What I was going to say about R was that he went in for counseling regarding some marital issues. He came out of the meeting with the Christian psychologist angry.

The reason R was angry was because the psychologist suggested that he had some self-esteem issues and depression. Being a scholarly guy, he wrote up a paper about his opinion on self esteem. He really believed that the whole concept of self-esteem was humanistic and not Biblical. Here is a children's video series with the same dogma. Dare I say that the Christian people, who put together this series, did it to boost their own feelings of self-worth?

R believed that Christians should have the attitude that we are all wretched, disgusting and appalling but that we only have value in Christ and his work on the cross.

I could easily get off on a tangent here, talking about this concept of self-esteem, but I do think that on a daily basis our self worth dose play a major role. We want to be respected, loved and valued. This desire is, at least, a part of the motivation for every thing that we do or say.

Men are, by fallen nature, very insecure. We feel that we must put on a perpetual façade to give the impression that we are better than we really think we are (deep inside). This applies to not only Christian men but all men . . . in my humble opinion. Christian men just add “spiritual” markers on the façade.

So, if we men are actually deeply insecure, but put on an intense façade to make others think we have value, then we don’t want other men to get too close or they may see the real me. When men do relate, they must keep up such a thick façade that, in the end, it is only one façade relating to another one. In another metaphor, one, remote controlled unmanned drone interacting with another remote controlled unmanned drone.

Now, I could agree with R at one point, that the insecurity problem has been solved on the cross. That is true in a theological or a redemptive perspective. I mean, the only issue of value that really matters is what God thinks of us. In Christ, when God looks at us, he sees perfection! It is a type of façade, but a Christ-façade, which God himself has built.

But this doesn’t change the reality of how I feel emotionally (or what one could say psychologically). No matter how “spiritual” we think we are, or how well we have our heads screwed out correctly (regarding the proper theology) still we operate from this primeval level of wanting to be valued by others.

So I believe that the first cause of men's loneliness is this alienation built around our fear to be known.

Non Christian men are bad at this . . . but I believe Christian men are worse. The reason being, Evangelicals believe that all our thoughts, desires and behaviors are at the rein of our self-control. They also

More to come . . .

The Dilemma of the Lonely Christian Man

Before I start this post, I will say two things. One, I've posted on this before. Secondly, when I did post on this idea, I had one lady write me that this is not just the Christian Man's Dilemma but also the Christian woman's as well. I respect that. But I do have tunnel vision and I can only express things within my own experience. I am sure that may women experience the same.

I must also add, as I share a personal perspective, I'm certainly not saying there is a reason to feel sorry for me . . . as if I'm unique . . . but I talk about this issue because I do predict that it is a common experience.

I also don’t mean to imply that this is a unique experience for CHRISTIAN men. I think it is a dilemma of all men (and women). Part of the fall of Adam is not only a separation and isolation from God . . . but also from each other.

A woman would be best suited for describing how this dilemma works for them. But speaking from the masculine perspective, I think that many men are . . . in an odd way . . . very comfortable with this isolation. As men, we are often taught to build high walls around ourselves (to hide our insecurity) as a young child.

I do think that I’ve always had some passion for digging deeper, relating deeper than the average guy and I think that is just part of my personality. However, I also think there is an especially difficult part of this dilemma for the Christian male. The reason is, the Christian male knows that things could be better. (I believe that we Christians have a God-given utopian dream, of what could have been here on earth without the Fall and what will be here on earth after redemption. This is sort of a Hebrews 11 phenomenon).

Another reason that I think that men (all men) are especial vulnerable to this feeling of loneliness is that some of us have tasted a world without loneness. I know that when I was in high school I had some great friends. The same was true in college. Then in graduate school I was also involved with a close-knit Christian ministry. Even non-Christian men have tasted it. Maybe it was among brother in a fraternity.

Since graduate school, I had one other experience where I was not lonely. That was during the years I lived in Marquette, Michigan. I think the reason then was two-fold. One, I was in the Air Force for my first 3 ½ years. The military is much like the college setting . . . very conducive for developing friendships. Also I led a family Bible study for 5 years with the same couples. I was not allowed to take it to the level of honesty that I wanted, because we were all Evangelicals and had to keep up a “spiritual façade,” but we did get close. However, since then . . . there has been isolation.

I think the reason that this issue has become acute for me again was from recent events . . . and my jealousy of my wife’s social contacts. One event was when one friend died a few weeks ago.

The jealousy of my wife comes from the fact that she has many good friends. These women come over and immediately start asking Denise how “she feels” or “thinks” about such and such. If we are out of town (like we were two weeks ago) within hours of our return, the phone starts to ring. It’s her friends calling and asking about the trip. I can never remember a man calling me about anything in the six years we have lived here. I have called several, including one last Sunday, asking if I could help him split wood. I stopped by the house of another two nights ago when I was out on my bike. He had just gotten out of the hospital and I wanted to see how he was doing.

So the first thing that prompted this loneliness self-pity party this time was the phone ringing last night. When the phone rings, it is always for Denise. When I’m on the phone it is usually the hospital calling to dump a major problem on me . . . at 2 AM. Or, like last night, it is me doing some type of unpleasant business. I had to call the firewood guy who Denise paid but never delivered our wood as promised.

I was also jealous of Denise because she is going to Kenya this summer for three weeks with our daughter. She mentioned last night that her boss suggested that she take and entire month off and go to Kenya.

I started to think, and again I know it is self-pity and the sin of jealously, that I have worked full time for 27 years. Full time for me means about 50 hours per week on average. Denise did not work outside the home for 16 years, and now she works part time (about 20 hours a week when she is not teaching). The 16 years she stayed at home were not easy for her. She was caring for, and doing a great job btw, our 5 children.

But, I’ve never taken more than two weeks off in a row and those two weeks are usually centered on providing a vacation for my family. I can’t take more time because I am chained to my job. We have to have my income. Denise worries a lot about our bills . . . and she has the right to, because she is the one who pays them. But if I took a month off, or worked 3 days a week, it would be a huge problem. At least I do have a job.

The way this relates to loneliness, is that one reason that I am lonely is that I don’t have any time for anything else but work, gym, home fix-it chores and rest. I’m jealous of Denise when she is going out with her friends at night, getting together during the day. She’s had many lives outside the home. She was very involved with martial arts for about 5-6 years. Now she is involve with triathlons.

The next item of jealously is the fact that she works with a hundred women. Several are her good friends. They talk about life at work every day so even when she’s at work, she has a huge amount of socialization.

I work in a medical office. The two doctors I work with are somewhat antisocial. They would never speak to me if I did not speak to them. They have no desire to socialize outside of work. The women in our front office are much better about socialization, but I certainly don’t think it would be healthy to have women as my best friends.

I remember my first experience with loneliness came right after college. I moved to inner city Louisville, Kentucky to be involved with the Navigators. The Nav staff there (in his fifties at the time) live an hour away in a suburb. There were no other single men in the ministry . . . actually there really wasn’t any ministry that I saw anywhere. But I became very, very lonely . . . and depressed.

I remember going to a park in Louisville and sitting on a bench. The fall maple leaves were yellow and orange and the wind was cold blowing in off the Ohio Rriver. I sat and cried my eyes out telling God how lonely I was and begging him for help.

I decided to bring it with the Nav staff guy at our next, once a week, 1 hour (precisely) discipleship meeting. He was not a very personable guy anyway so I was scared to say anything that didn’t give the image that I was perfect. But finally I did.

“Hal . . . I’m very lonely right now and I don’t know what I can do about it.”

He cleared his throat. “Then you’re in sin.”

I never brought it up again. His answer to any problem was the same, “You’re in sin.”

But now, 27 years later, I have tried to build relationships with other men but it never seems to work and maybe it is my fault. I’ll pick up on this theme in the following posts.

Tween A Gnat and a Camel

Coming soon . . .

I've decided to come back to this topic later.

Have Christians Lost Their Ability to be Cunning?

16"Stay alert. This is hazardous work I'm assigning you. You're going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don't call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove. Matthew chapter 10 "The Message"

The Webster Dictionary gives several related meanings for “cunning.” The two main ones include:

1: dexterous or crafty in the use of special resources (as skill or knowledge) or in attaining an end (a cunning plotter with usually a deceitful end).

2: displaying keen insight (a cunning observation)

From the text of the passage, and other translations from the original Greek, The Message’s use of the word “cunning” clearly relates to the second definition. However, once you finish reading this blog, you may see that some Christians practice the “cunning” of the first definition rather well.

I’m ashamed to admit that it is TV programs (okay sometimes books) that prompt many of my postings (like Oprah and the Yearning for Emotional Honesty posting). This time it was a Dateline segment on Friday night, where Chris Hansen investigates Dennis Lee. Dennis is a long time fraud king . . . and sadly, a type of minster. At least he preys on Churches for his schemes. Before I continue, I will give describe my premise regarding my observations.

I do not come at this issue of cunning, or lack of, from any type of theological or Biblical exogenesis perspective, but from more of a simple foundation. If God is there, and if he is a good God, then he is a God of truth . . . and honesty. I could share a lot of scripture at this point but you know most of them. If not, go to Bible Gateway (or your own electronic Bible) and do a word search for truth.

With that said, I must add the caveat that truth (due to the falleness of this world) isn’t always easy to find. The rationalists, including Aristotle, were wrong on the point that reason can always lead you to truth. In a perfect world . . . maybe.

But in this world, as we find it, truth is obscure. Satan is the god of lies and is pretty good at deceit. There are many passages (and I won’t share those here either) about this idea of psychological dishonesty. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 17:9 (New International Version)

9 The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?

So in conclusion, we can’t trust anyone or anything completely. How many pastors have been trusted completely . . . only to find out that they were stealing money from the church, sleeping with the church women (or girls) and only God knows what else. None of us are totally trustworthy and "being a strong Christian" or even pastor, doesn't change things.

But, in this cult of niceness that we (those) Evangelicals find ourselves in, being cunning or skeptical is no longer in the vocabulary.

The Dateline story was about a master con artist, Dennis Lee. To make a long story short, he has a MLM type of business plan where he promotes a variety of “energy” products. The one they highlighted on the show would make cars get 60 to over 100 MPG. The product cost $1500-$3000. You can even buy a dealership. This is the product they tested (with real scientist) and was worthless.

Dennis Lee also has perpetual motion machines, and all kind of energy from nothing (all violating Newtonian laws of physics). But the sad thing . . . the really sad thing, is that this con man is cunning enough (think if the first definition of the word above) to wrap his enterprises in Jesus. This kind of stuff is what would make the real Jesus want to drive them out of the temple (along with the TV evangelist) with a whip.

But my question is, have we Christians lost our sense of being cunning (the second definition)? As Christians, we shouldn’t focus on being nice . . . but KNOWING THE TURTH! If someone comes up and tells me any type of incredible story at Church, I have the responsibility to question and doubt them. This not only includes get rich schemes, but also miracles. God is simply a god of truth. We need to be taught the art of doubting.

I want to do a posting next time on a very personal story where this same type of thing was being pulled with a group of Christian friends.

A Medley of Self-indulgent Thoughts in the James Joyce Style

I think it was a combination of three things that put me in such a good mood this morning.

Reason 1) The sun is out! It has been an entire week of cold rain. That’s why I selected this photo of me. It was a self-portrait taken in my pup tent three years ago in the God-forsaken NW Pakistan; near the epicenter of the terrible earthquake (ironically the name of the place I was, in Urdu, is “The Place God Loves”). It had been a cold (36 degrees) rain for about 4-5 days straight. My pup tent was surrounded by ankle deep mud and not far out side the mud was a crowd of angry protestors, on the back of wagons . . . . being pulled by tractors, yelling (in both Urdu and English) “Death to America!”

On the morning of the photo, I awaken early (5 AM) to no sound of rain. Then, when the sun came up . . . it was out and I could tell from the brightness through the tent wall. So I had the same feeling this morning. On the morning of the photo, I awaken early (5 AM) to no sound of rain. Then, when the sun came up . . . it was out and I could tell from the brightness through the tent wall. So I had the same feeling this morning.

2) I feel like I am walking through the aftermath of a hurricane (I know that’s an embellishment). But, starting about three weeks I worked like a dog, went off to a family reunion and then have worked like a dog this week upon return. I put in a 13 hour yesterday. Today, my schedule is light . . . halleluiah!

3) It’s Friday.

Regarding James Joyce. I had enough time this morning to sit in the coffee shop for 30 minutes reading James’ Joyce’s Ulysses. I’m trudging my way through the long book because I want to read all the great writers. Growing up in the (Dualistic) Bible belt, we were taught that novels (earthly people writing about earthly things) were a waste of time so I’ve missed out on all the great novelists.

Joyce writes Ulysses in the stream-of-consciousness style. Some chapters read in a way that each sentence is a totally different thought from the previous one. I have a lot of thoughts this morning so I’ve decided to borrow from James . . . at least this one time.

Self-indulgence. I would guess that Blogs, by definition, are somewhat self-indulgent. I mean there are millions of them, most of them (probably like this one) go unread. But like I’ve said before, the purpose of my Blog is for it to function as my “Wilson” (from Castaway). It is my sounding board to get my thoughts in a written media. Certainly it is nice when someone comes along and reads and comments . . . especially when they are saying something that I read as “No you are not insane . . . I feel the same way.” Of course, occasionally, I get the “Yes you are insane” comment or e-mail.

The collapse of Evangelicalism. Mike Spencer had done a series on his blog and in the Christian Science Monitor on his belief that Evangelicalism is terminally ill. I’m sure if I buy it. Okay, maybe it is in ICU. I know that I’ve been critical of Evangelicalism but I think it will, for better or worse, survive in a variety of forms. This includes the propagation of mega-churches with “rock star” Pastors. I do believe that the old mainstream, somewhat conservative, churches will endure . . . but their separation from reality will continue to widen.

But in the aftermath of the Evangelical illness I do believe there will be some new Christian paradigms on the scene.

One will be the pseudo (I say “pseudo because I don’t think Donald totally supports this idea) Donald Miller’s Blue-Like-Jazz “Free Lance” Christians. These are people, usually younger than 35, who have a conservative theology but do not go to church anywhere. I don’t think that’s a healthy option, but time will tell.

Lastly, I suspect a boom in the quasi-Christian-pantheistic approach. You know . . . the “all streams lead to the same sea” system. The Bishop that just got defrocked for being a Moslem is at sign of this kind of thinking. I’ve noticed on our island several Christian, especially charismatic Christians . . . as well as the old mainline ones, mixing new-age spiritualism comfortably.

But then, I’m not sure what’s going to happen to my breed of Christian. I'm talking about those who are disillusioned with Evangelicalism (might say post-evangelicals), who want a much more honest way to function as a Christian, but who are not tolerated within the present wineskins.

This brings me to my last random thought, again self-indulgent. I know that I am often critical regarding Evangelicalism. There’s all kind of clichés about not "don't be negative or critical if you are not willing to be part of the solution."

But then I review my history. I've really tired to be part of the solution, but it is swimming against the tide. I was a staunch Evangelical for twenty years. Then, my falling out with them was gradual. The whole time I was attempting to stay and be part of the solution. During these years of my falling out I’ve been an elder for two different churches. I’ve been the deacon of small groups. I’ve been the main adult Sunday school teacher for a large church.

When I moved to this island, I had great ambitions of contributing to the local church. We joined. I tried to teach the youth class.

When I took over the youth, I had them pick the topics that they were most interested in. One was music. One was TV shows. So we started listening to their music with a deep understanding of what the song writer or band was trying to say. We didn’t do it in a flippant way, but investigation the philosophical beliefs of the band. Then we compared it to the Biblical concepts. The TV show that we did this with was LOST. I thought we were having a great time . . . but then the pastor quickly replaced me. He was worried that some of the parents would be dissatisfied that we were watching a TV show in Sunday school . . . rather than being lectured to about the Bible.

Then I tried to teach adult Sunday school and ran into the same kind of roadblocks. Then I not only became elder, but later became the head elder. However, it was very hard trying to fit in.There were so much emotional dishonesty between the elders and pastor. I was also looked down on by some of the other elders. It is hard to lead if you don't have respect. And the disrespect was based on honest things I tried to say. For example, the previous head elder questioned if I were a Christian because I didn’t believe the earth was only 6,000 years old.

So I’ve tried. Now I live in limbo. I’ve given up on trying to be involved with the church. My wife says we’re are NOT switching churches. So I find myself, as a Christian, just as isolated as the “Donald Miller” freelancers . . . something I sense very unhealthy.

The last random thought was about happiness. I know deep question. But with every scenario that I can conceive, I can not create a heaven on earth situation that would yield happiness. I don't believe in the old fakey happiness that I use to believe in . . . smiling a lot and claiming that I'm happy.

But I really am starting to think that Soloman had it right. Eat, drink and be merry because everything else on this earth is in vain. Of course we are given eternal life in Christ and a new heaven and earth. But I really don't believe that the positive thinking approach is the way to find contentment . . . but enjoying yourself is. I don't mean sin . . . Jack Daniels and two super models in a beachfront hotel. No. I'm talking about having fun with your family, drinking Mochas in the sun, reading Joyce, soaking in the hot tub or hanging out with your relatives on a family reunion. Maybe I don't have to find all the answers to be happy. Maybe I don't have to fix the church or even my own family. These things, eating, drinking and being merry is what brings contentment.

Oprah and the Yearning for . . . Emotional Honesty . . . Rranch

It was really the Yearning for Zion Ranch, that my wife was watching the other night. I wasn't interested but I had gone to bed early and Denise had the show on in the bed room . . . so I ended up watching it.

In the program, at least the part I watched, Oprah interviewed a circle of young brides (some sharing the same husband).


Okay, once again I will end up talking about honesty, and that might be my pet-peeve lately. But my real interest, and it has been so for a decade and a half, is truth. So I’m interested in truth at all levels, and here, once again, I’m speaking of a human (meaning emotional and sociological) truth.

As I watched the Oprah interview with the young brides, who are a part of the Yearning for Zion cult, I sensed a great familiarity. I remember my Evangelical days, both of being on college campus, being in the intensive Navigator training center and a missionary. I can remember how we, while we strained at a gnat (of theological truth) we swallowed a camel of emotional/sociological lies.

What I’m about to say could easily have been included in my “Why it’s hard to speak to an Evangelical” segment. However, in my Evangelical days, we didn’t respond to any question with the honest truth but with a cliché. This is what I observed with the young Yearning wives.

This will be my paraphrase of the Oprah interview, and, btw, Oprah did ask some poignant questions.

In case you are not familiar with the group (and I suspect that most people are more familiar with them than I am) I will summarize . . . again in a paraphrase.

This is a Mormon sect that practices polygamy. Traditionally girls are married off as young as 13 and the men have several wives. Often it is an older man, say 50, who is marrying a young girl (in her teens) but not always. I remember an interview with one boy escapee who commented that all the girls his age (around 18) were taken by the old men.

So one of the questions Oprah asked were, “Do you get jealous of the other wives?”

One gal, after hesitating for a moment, answered along the lines of, “No. We are sisters and we love each other in the Lord.”

It didn’t take long to realize that the interview was totally empty. Good questions asked . . . parrot responses, speaking what they “Should say.”

I can remember as an evangelical (and I’m sure I still do it) being asked a question and, in my subconsciencious mind, looking back through the file drawers, not for the honest answer but for the “correct answer.” This was especially true if I was in a crowd of evangelicals.

For example, we might be out “on evangelism” and a non-Christian asks, “Don’t you ever doubt God’s existence?”

My mind would journey back, avoiding the honest-answer files, and moving past them to the “what you are supposed to say” files, then I would respond, “Never. I know that God is there because I walk with Him every day. I know that He is there as much as I know that I exist. When you trust God with your life, He will reveal Himself to you in a way you can never deny.”

But, in the back of my mind, I knew there were times . . . late at night when I was having insomnia . . . my mind would ask, “How do I really know that God is there? How do I know that this isn’t just a psychological illusion?” I think C.S. Lewis did the same.

But if I were with a group of evangelicals and a non-believer asked me the doubt question and I went back to the “honest files” and pulled out an ambiguous answer, like, “Well, sometimes I wonder if God is really there after all,” my evangelical friends would be extremely disappointed in me and I would be re-classified within that subculture as “not a very strong Christian.”.

I just heard on the Seattle news last night that an atheist group is trying to create some type of anonymous web page or phone bank where “religious people” can come to when they have doubts. They said that their point was not to try and convert the “religious people” to atheisms . . . but to teach them critical thinking skills.

While I agree with their premise, that all people should be taught critical thinking skills, I really don’t buy their benign purpose. I know that I’m often very critical of evangelicalism, however, I see the hard-core atheist as even much more of a farce. They surround themselves with this intellectual arrogance where they really think that they have reached their point of disbelieve through their great minds (and reason). In reality, those confident in their atheistism usually have psychological factors that are not that much different than the Yearning for Zion group. Often it is moral autonomy that drives them.

This brings me back to the YZ group. Let’s get real here. So they live in a situation where men can dominate women and give them orders that must be obeyed. These men can “marry” (or a polite term for legally having sex with) multiple women, even girls much younger than they are. When the men get tired of a woman, they can always be looking for new, virgin flesh. On top of this behavior, they live in a society where they believe that God not only allows this kind of behavior, but He wants it! So when you pick a new 15 year old bride (and you are 50!) and have sex with her, that makes God (and you) happy!

As a mortal, fleshy man, I can say that I see why they believe the way they do. Even the atheist men would like to live like this, but at least they have a moral compass (God-breathed at creation). It is in our man-natural (but not necessarily godly) nature to want to have sex with multiple women, especially younger and younger ones (I’m just being honest here). It is also in our nature to want to dominate others, especially our women and children. In cults, domination is often used in the way that to “disobey me is to disobey God.” It’s a trap! Run for the hills!

Okay, now back to us. I think of more practical terms of how we give parrot answers. I was a missionary once. Honestly, I loved it. I loved living in an exotic country, not having a job during the day. I could spend the day at the park with my kids if I wanted. While we lived with little money, exotic travel was a common requirement. It made it so much easier to say that “God had called us to Egypt.” I’m saying that all our motives were bad. I had a sincere desire to help Moslems come to Christ. But, us as broken humans never have pure motives about anything.

Right now I am trying to create a study abroad program for PA and medical students. I had the rare opportunity on a plane the other day to be my usual candid self without someone questioning me. I was sitting beside a guy around 30 who works for a Christian outdoor adventure organization. This guy was very honest that the reason that he was doing it was because he could get paid, not well—but paid, to do the things he loves. I’m really glad he didn’t do the evangelical parrot thing, “Oh God called me to this ministry.” I’m sure he is helping the teens that are in their program but he also is doing it because he loves mountain climbing, kayaking and etc.

I felt very free to tell him that the reasons that I’m trying to start my company are (and in this order): 1) Pay my way to live overseas, at least for short periods of time, 2) To be in the role of teacher and expert, to a group of students (ego massage), 3) Help those people who have little medical resources and 4) Try to broaden the vision of these students to see the needs around the world.

But if this were going to be a Christian endeavor (mission group) I would have to paint over all the motives with a simple, 1) “God has called me to this mission to save the lost.”

I remember a conversation with a fellow evangelical (but who has since become disillusioned with the faith and left) back in college. He said something to the effect, “Christian decision making is where we quickly decide what we want to do, then spend a huge amount of effort making it look like something God wants us to do.”

The only thing wrong with that is that we should be honest about it. Hey, I want to go be a missionary in X, Y or Z because being a missionary makes me look very spiritual.