Twitter, Tralfamadoria and The Church 2060 Part II

Valencia feels herself coming down, emotionally, from the worship experience. The tears are still flowing, running down behind her cheeks, across the bottom of her ears and down the back of her neck. Only then does she realize that, in the non-virtual world, she is still lying in bed and gravity still exists.

Immediately, while she is still relishing in the moment, a screen comes up with a new menu. Tender music is still being played in the background as she is given the opportunity to increase her tithe-subscription. With just a millimeter of movement of the aim of her pupils, she can increase the automatic monthly deductions from her bank from $300 Euros (the U.S. currency in 2060) to $400.

She chooses not to raise her monthly tithe-subscription, the program then leads her to a different window. There the external markets of the church are explored, including their work in helping the starving Christians from the Korean War II. There’s a very moving video of the CEO-Pastor passing out bags of rice and SCL (satellite connected laptops) to the children in the devastated areas around Seoul, after the nuclear exchange. When the video is complete, she is given another opportunity to increase her external market tithe-subscription. Valencia decides not to increase her deductions for that cause either.

The last worship window opens. In it she is asked to rate her worship experience as feedback to the worship team. After rating the experience, she then sets her next “worship level.” This morning’s level was a five. Valencia knows that by the law of diminishing returns that she will soon have to set her worship experience level to a six, or she won’t have the emotional experience that she had today.

The “worship team” is made of the CEO/pastor plus four other talented co-pastors. A team of programmers and artists with expertise in CGR (computer-generated reality) make up the rest of the team. They can afford such talent because their live (those who donate) market is about 130,000 people world-wide. They do have a brick and mortar church in Riverside, CA with a real present audience of about 1000. But to experience the worship program the way it was intended, even those in the building wear the headsets.

Valencia is taken to a final menu where she can choose from an assortment of Christian entertainment or venture into the FH (Fellowship Hall). She chooses the FH, as this is virtually (pun intended) her only contact with other Christians.

Valencia had gone to Kinko’s the year before and had a 3 D image made of herself. The Duplicator® is a round, vertical tube that you step into. A laser copies your entire body in EHD in about ten seconds and sends it directly to your SF via wireless Internet. Valencia could then manipulate her image in any way she wanted. It is common practice to take twenty pounds off your body’s frame and twenty years off your age. Some change much more. Others download entire images (not even bothering with getting a 3 D scan) that are computer generated but totally indistinguishable from real people . . . but bearing no resemblance to their appearance in the material world.

Valencia did the standard weight and age changes. Then she subscribed to Warp-robe®, an online wardrobe service. Automatically her image is digitally dressed in the latest styles as arranged by some of the best clothes designers in the world. The Warp-robe® company guarantees that if you are ever in the same room with someone else wearing the same outfit, you will get a 20,000 Euro reward. It other words they guarantee that the computer program will dress each person uniquely.

As Valencia enters the room, she is surrounded by about 200 other people, many with coffee or juice in their hands. Valencia smells the coffee strongly and looks down to see the china cup in her own hand. She walks up to the first people, a man and a woman in lively conversation. She smiles. As soon as a break in the conversation comes, she reaches her hand and introduces herself.

But Valencia suffers from significant social phobia. She utilizes a Christian fellowship program. It says and does the most socially appropriate thing in the Christian social context. She has the option of either reading from a teleprompter, which drops down as a “heads-up display,” or she can go fully automatic. This morning, because she feels more fearful than usual, she switched the fellowship program to automatic. The voce that is spoken by the computer is identical to Valencia’s own voice. It says the most appropriate thing in every situation . . . the thing that a woman of God would truly say. Valencia’s only choices, unless she takes it out of automatic mode, are which people to talk to and for how long.

In the room is a whole spectrum of people. Some are old, some young, Asian, African-American and Latino. Most are connected to some material truth . . . some vaguely so.

Maeve, is 28 and has her wonderful Christian husband, Raven, at her side. Together they are present in the FH every Sunday morning. They have two darling children, a boy and a girl—both preschoolers. Today, they will join many other Bryce Franchise customers (the new name of church members) and do a virtual Pro-life march on the Capital in Washington.

In their material worlds, Maeve and Raven are not married but live together and have no children. They did have one on the way. However, Raven found a great deal on airfares to Europe in September. They were too good to pass up so they aborted their baby at the fourth month. There is no way that Maeve wanted to travel when she was pregnant. (My point in this story is not about Maeve and Raven’s choice but the fact that their real lives are so incongruous from their church lives).

A few people have even more mischievous reasons for hanging out in the FH. Darst, with a virtual appearance of a 26 year old, single, computer programmer and avid surfer from Laguna Beach, CA . . .is really a married 54 year old man named Braden. He is paper pusher with the NHID (national health insurance department). He comes to the Bryce Franchise FH every Sunday for one reason . . . to develop a relationship with young (think Drew Peterson here) single women. Little does Braden know that the young attractive gal he has cornered this morning . . . well, she is really Garish, a 40 year old closet gay man with a wife and three kids in Kansas City.

Kaetean is a 65 year old widow, who comes as 30 year old business woman, hoping to hook up, virtually, with a nice Christian man.

Probably the most troublesome disguise is the kind grandma, Catlin, in the corner. She’s having a conversation with, Jerrod, one of the ministry team members. She, as a grandmother of eight, feels that God is calling her to be involved in a children’s ministry. In her material world Catlin is 42 year old Roger, twice convicted of acts of pedophilia.


Commentary: Do I think that the church will really look like this in 2060? No, I don’t. I tell this story just to illustrate the path that the church is on right now. I am a true optimist at heart and lean in the Post-Millennium direction. I really think that all things in society, and within the Church are destine to get better, not worse. I’m not dogmatic on my eschatological views . . . it is just a hunch. Mike

Twitter, Tralfamadoria and The Church 2060

I’m sure that Headless Unicorn Guy could tell this story much better than me. But, try to follow me and let’s see where this goes.

Valencia awakens by the soft hum of her SF (slica friend) by the side of her bed. The SF is a state of the art all purpose electronic device. Besides having 5 terabyte virtual hard-drive and a blazing, 40 GHz CPU, it has a perpetual Internet connection adding a practical resource of all human knowledge, every bit of software that has ever been produced and almost limitless storage capacity. The Internet connection has a top speed of 5Tbps via a 3-d integrated wireless network. The device itself is about the size of a pack of gum with a sleek outer look fashioned out of a virtually indestructible titanium shell. It has an energy supply made up of a mere fifty plutonium atoms that will power it for at least 300 years.

After stretching a bit, she reaches over picks up a basket ball sized black object and slips it over her head covering everything except for the tip of her chin. Across the forehead of the ball is the logo, “Headwomb.”

The headwomb is a portable virtual reality device. It has a high definition, stereo sound system that cradles each ear with a soft, silicone cup. In front of each eye are stereo EHD (extremely high definition) screens. Even her nose and mouth are contained in a soft recess that can recreate not only a particular oxygen flow rate but also a wide palate of scents.

Within the front of the snug-fitting device (each one is tailor made for the owner) are micro-sensors that can detect her voice, facial expressions, eye movements and tears. In the scalp area are EEG (electroencephalographic) receiving electrodes. These EEG leads, and program within the SF, can not read brain thoughts (yet) but can read emotions and different stages of alertness. The inward “skin” of the headwomb also has micro-stimulators that can reproduce the sensations of cold, heat, sharp pain, dull pain and burning on one pixel or the entire surface of her head.

Valencia has programmed her SF to speak to her with the voice of her grandfather (for whom she has wonderful memories from childhood). She even calls her SF “Pa,” a loving name that she used for her grandfather until his passing when she was only ten. The SF comes on automatically when she puts on the head gear.

SF: “Good morning Valencia. It’s so good to be with you today. I hope you are feeling well.”

Valencia: “I am thank you.”

SF: “It’s Sunday morning . . . are you going to church today?”

Valencia: “Yes . . . I believe I will.”

She has the option of using voice controls or using her eyes as a mouse. By looking at menu buttons she finds the “church” menu. The EEG reads her intent to “click” and the church menu opens. At the top the words, “Bryce F” highlighted. This stands for the “Bryce Franchise,” which is her “home” (as in web home) church. It was named after a Pastor Bryce who started a huge church northeast of LA way back in the 2030s.


Concepts of church affiliations of course started even before the death of the Apostle Paul. Christians started to be identified with certain leaders . . . until Paul rebuked them. But later, the name of leaders materialized as handles before the church settled on the capitals of empires, Rome or Constantinople. Then it became men again, Luther, Calvin Wesley. Next came the era of being named according to styles, Presbyterian, Methodist or Baptist. By 2015, another era of names was ushered in, following the names of great pastors (Joel Osteen . . . jr) or churches (Saddleback-New York branch).

A book written by one of these great pastors in 2020, The Value of Life, finally broke down, what the author called the artificial walls of demarcation, between the commercial and spiritual interests of people. After all, he reasoned, if money = time and time is the building blocks of life, then money = life and life = money. He said, it is now the “business” of the church to shape the way in which our lives are “spent.”

Soon after this, the church affiliations became known as “Franchises.” Congregations, both those who were part of the church and those potential members (even the non Christians) were to be known as “Markets.” By 2060 everyone was comfortable with these terms.

The next major philosophical development came in 2035. A book, Finding God in the Spirit (which was soon declared by Time Magazine as the “Book of the Century”) was written by a popular Pastor from Chicago. In it, he argued that since God is only concerned about our spiritual state, therefore the material world is . . . well immaterial. Reasoning from that point, he went on to say that virtual reality was not only a reasonable alternative to reality but could be, in some ways, superior. A Christian could live more spared from the ills of this world if they spent more of their in a virtual world, which had been “created” closer to the ideal that God intended.


Once Valencia was at the top of the Bryce F menu, she had several options. With just a look of her eyes and a mental “click” she could choose between among a variety of church experiences. Her default church was based on an early childhood experience in a contemporary community church back in 2020.

With her next mental click, instantaneously she was transported to a very real church setting. It was filled with people, many who looked familiar to her. She was playing the role of an adult, but her Grand pa (computer created) waved at her from across the sanctuary. Next to her sat her mother and her, now deceased, father.

The tall, handsome pastor looked across the crowd of four hundred and then directly at her.

Pastor: “Good morning Valencia. I’m so glad you are here.”

The service continues with professional quality singing by a virtual choir. The words of the songs began to take on life. Valencia felt herself flying up from her padded folding chair, up fifty feet, towards the tongue and grove pine ceiling. She floats right through the wood, the insulation, shingles and out to a brilliantly blue sky.

The choir and orchestra continues performing ( a song she had never heard before ) “Fly Valencia fly . . . up into the arms of Jesus . . . feel His love pouring over you . . . “ at those words she could see a very real image of Jesus coming down to her and embracing her. A cool wind blew across her scalp and her hair whipped across her face. Jesus held her tightly and they sailed upward through the clouds. She felt the moisture on her cheeks as real as any mist she has ever felt before. But soon the clouds were below her as she and Jesus raced toward the stars engulfed in flames.

Valencia had never had such a spiritual experience and tears, real tears were pouring down her face and dripping from beneath her vinyl helmet.

Soon, the pastor took the podium and looked directly at her. He read from John chapter ten,

1"I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. 2The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

Even before the words were done being spoken, Valencia is transported to the Galilean hills circa 30 AD. She could hear the bleeping of sheep, smell that strange sheep smell that she remembers from Pa’s farm. Then, she looks down and sees her own wool. She is a lamb. There is Jesus walking on the hill, behind him the sun setting on the grasslands below. “Valencia! Valencia!” She hears Him calling in a deep, safe voice.

I will continue this story in the next post but for now, it’s getting long.

Twitter, Tralfamadoria, and The Church

Thought 1 (all thoughts will merge in the end)

I was reading Time Magazine Saturday morning and read the article about Twitter being used in some larger churches. The parishioners would bring their laptops to church and twitter the worship team during the service. It sounds like the worship team, in most circumstances, can’t read the messages until after the service. I don’t know why, and I am still naive about Twitter, they just can’t just wait until they got home and then send an ole-fashioned e-mail or, for goodness sakes, walk up and TELL someone what you think?

Time listed some of the messages received. They include things like; “God is blessing me right now,” “I really enjoyed that music piece” or “I don’t feel close to God anymore.”

Thought 2

I’m working my way (okay maybe there is a better word than “work,” what about enjoying my way) through the top 100 English novels of the twentieth century. Right now I am reading Slaughter House-Five by Kurt Vonnegut. Believe it or not, it is for the first time. Either my Appalachian schools were so bad that they never exposed us to the classics, or the fact it was in the Bible belt, these books were possibly banned. Anyway, it took my own kids to introduce me to Vonnegut.

Slaughter House-Five is an odd book, in a pleasant way. The main character, Billy Pilgrim had been abducted by an alien race from Tralfamadoria, but returned to earth to live his mundane . . . and sometimes not so mundane, life. The Tralfamadorians had a unique perspective on time, a lot like we envision God’s perspective. It is like looking down on an old 45 record where you move the needle from one point to another . . . and back again. Therefore the book bounces around in Billy’s life on a whim.

Thought 3

Now imagine we could take the Twitter churches and move the needle on the chronograph ahead by 50 years. Before I describe what this would be like my paranoia must speak.

I have nothing against technology. Actually, I love technology. In itself, I see technology as amoral. The same world-wide-web can be used to expose war crimes and solicit help for staving people, and exploit little children for the most heinous cause . . . child pornography. The point, which I’m trying to make, is not about the evils of twittering in the church. But the fact that I think, when it comes to church, we’ve lost our way . . . and it happened a long time ago. The reason I’m still thinking about this is a continuation of my discussion about our youth. When I mentioned that Sunday morning church would be optional for the kids (based on their motives), several people, including my own wife, thought that would be the deal breaker.

In my usual way, I must also throw in a caveat or two; the first one is about the science of futurism. It’s a tough job. The reason is, while you can predict trends based on present trajectories you can not predict sudden changes in that trajectory. The best example I can think of is Arthur C. Clarke writing the screenplay for 2001 A Space Odyssey. He based his expectations of space travel, in 2001, on the rapid development of space travel in 1968. He had no way to know that certain political developments in the US (for one was the rise in power of the religious right) would abruptly and totally change this course.

So, I want to explore what it would be like to suddenly be teleported to the year 2060 (based on present trends) and then imagine what it would be like for a first century Christian to be teleported to one of our Evangelical church services today. To keep from making these posts too long, I will add two more to cover each episode of time travel.

Blatant Meaning from Obscure Verses – An Oxymoron Possibly?

I'm about to open another bag of snakes and I really shouldn't. I keep making a personal vow not to post any more blogs for a while. But I'm so disobedient. Then something happens that really moves me. Then something else happens and the dots start to be connected.

The second reason that I should not post is that I'm so busy that I have to do it on the run. When I do that, my typing becomes typo-ing.

The third reason, if two were not enough, is that I'm seriously sleep deprived. It's a long story but I've been averaging about 5 hours of sleep per night and then last night I had one. It was a combination of being on call, having a seriously ill patient in the hospital (who is dying) and no one can figure out why. Where's House when you need him. The second reason I'm so sleep deprived is that Tyler (21) is living at home right now. Things are okay when he was alone, but now that all his friends are home from college, they start their day . . . at our house . . . at 10 PM.

But to my point.

The first dot that appeared was at church last Sunday. I have not been to Sunday school in a while, because I find it so frustrating. People ask me why I stay with this church and the reason is simple. Okay, maybe complex. The main reason is that my wife said she is not changing churches for any reason. Her friends are at this church and to her, friends are a huge part of church. Teachings and issues that drive me crazy really don't matter to her. So I don't think a husband and wife attending two different churches is a healthy thing.

Now back to my story.

Chuck is a darling, elderly gentleman at our church. Personally I really like him a lot. However, he has a theology degree and is some what of the pastor’s right hand man. The pastor really looks up to him (maybe the only layperson he looks up to in our church because Chuck is the only one he will allow to stand in for him as a Sunday school teacher). Chuck is also the head elder.

The problem is that Chuck and I don’t see eye to eye on most things that are Christian. Many times he has said to me, “If you really believe such and such, then you can’t be a Christian.” The problem is, I really do believe such and such. So I find it a little hurtful that Chuck says I’m not a Christian.

The issues were we differ on include:

1. Chuck says you can not be a Christian if you doubt that the earth is older than 6,000 years. In my book I don’t care how old you believe the earth is.

2. We should forbid our kids from going to any college but a Bible college (a segue with my last postings) because those who go to secular university leave the faith.

3. We should only read Christian books. He has caught my kids and I reading diverse things, some by great atheists.

I could go on. But I will come up to the latest event, and that was Sunday school last Sunday. Chuck is teaching the Ten Commandments. This week was the second commandment:

From Exodus 20: 4 (NIV)

"You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything in heaven above or on the earth beneath or in the waters below. 5 You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, 6 but showing love to a thousand {generations} of those who love me and keep my commandments.

Chuck went on to say, that examples of these idols include all images of God or Jesus. He described how he had to cut the picture of Jesus out of the children’s Bible he used to teach children’s church.

So, at the very end of his 80 minute lecture (he actually read his entire lecture, word for word, from a 14 page script that he had typed up) when questions were allowed, I asked him about Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam. Chuck said it was an idol and God forbids it. Then he added his cliché that he uses every time, “God said it, I believe it, it is settled.”

The question was being begged and it was on the tip of my tongue but I looked at the clock. It was now 1:30 PM and I had endured a 80 minute lecture on a beautiful sunny NW day . . . to the point that my head was about to cave in. So, I let it go. But I really did want to ask him (as I have before ) “Where the hell did God say don’t paint pictures of Him!”

But Chuck always makes it an issue of believing God nor not. He said the same thing about the earth being 6,000 years old. “God said it, I believe it, it is settled.”

So obviously Chuck thinks that “God said it” in that Exodus 20:4. If that verse says that we are to never to have images of the real God, you have to read a lot more into that verse than is really there.

That brings me to my last point (another segue to my last postings) about what is the church? Our pastor, after observing many people leaving the church, some becoming freelance Christians or in other types of emerging churches, did a lecture series on why God wants you to stay in the “Chuch.”

But of course he defines the “church” as only the American Evangelical traditional church. Meets on Sunday morning at 10 AM., has Sunday school and preaching (our preaching comes first). The “worship service” being the center piece of the whole church experience.

I will conclude this thought by saying, back in the early 90s when I was trying to put my Christian-Humpty-Dumpty world back together again, I spent a whole year trying to figure out what the church really was. I was amazed, once I divorced “church” from the cultural context and really only looked at scripture . . . blatant scripture. I also did a lot of studying on church history. I really enjoyed a book called, Ante Pacem (the church before Constantine).

I challenge anyone to honestly define the church in the New Testament, but first taking off your cultural glasses and reading the mandates for what a church is . . . using only the blatant verses. You would be amazed how simple it really was.

But, maybe the church really should be defined as a building of people who meet on Sunday mornings at 10 AM for 1 hours Sunday school, followed by a worship service, with hymns, then a sermon by the pastor, who is the king of the church but with an elder board. But after all, this is what God "said" the church is . . . so I believe it and, I guess, that settles it . . . or does it?

Why Do Our Kids Leave the Church - Part II - A Possible Solution, Step 3 (and Final)

When I was taking a basic physics course in college, to keep things simple, we had real-life problems but were allowed to ignore important factors such as the coefficient of friction. So far, I’ve ignored the coefficient of parents, which as my wife pointed out, would be a deal breaker.

Certainly, I, as youth pastor, would have to have a meeting with the parents in the beginning. Then, there must be a parallel course with them. In this idealized, fictional world, I imagine that the senior pastor or someone else has the exact same vision as me and is willing to lead that small group . . . or it possibly would have to fall on my shoulders.

This parent small group would be looking at many of the same issues as their kids, understanding both the American evangelical culture that we are in, and the post-modern secular culture in which we are immersed.

But another fundamental process would have to take place. There needs to be a lowering of the level of dis-honesty among the parents (increasing candor in other words). This of course takes time and trust. But eventually, this small group of parents would hopefully feel safe enough to start taking about their own problems . . . looking for support and help. In any given church there are secret issues among the parents of things like, 1) alcoholism, 2) prescription drug abuse, 3) pornography addiction (a recent survey mentioned on imonk said that 52% of pastors confess to having looked at internet porn in the previous year), 4) emotional affairs (where there is no sex but you confine and find more emotional support from an opposite sex friend than your own spouse), 5) sexual affairs and not to mention the more ambiguous ones like materialism. But it is my humble opinion that one of the biggest drivers of the youth away from the church is the hypocrisy they see within their own homes.

My parents were good Baptist who opposed all forms of alcohol. That’s why I was so shocked to find a secret stash of about 20 bottle of hard stuff in my parents' bedroom. When I found it, at age 12, I first attempted to get drunk on it (acting out) and I decided I would never go to church with them again. I’m not saying that the parents should throw out their alcohol. I like Alaskan Amber beer a lot. I’m talking about the hypocrisy of preaching that alcohol drinking is sin at church, but being an actual alcoholic in secret. Plus these parents need help to overcome these problems . . . they can’t do it alone.

So in closing this topic (it could go on for a hundred posts) I want to mention a few more things that I would like to do with the kids.

Deconstruction of the Evangelical Sub-culture:

I've attempted twice, in real life, to create a course like this for youth groups. Both times I brought fear to the pastors of those chruches. This course would be simply the process of separating simple Biblical teaching from the complexities of American, Evangelical Christian Subculture. I think this helps kids a lot and keeps them away from the legalism that eventually break their spirits.

It starts as an open discussion about this concept that some things come from culture and only a few things are mandated in scripture. It takes great discernment to tell the difference.

Part of this class would be looking at the psychology of our Christian social circles. A real ice-breaker to this discussion would be watching the movies, "Saved" and "Jesus Camp." Of course both movies are distortions of the American church, but they do stir up some real issues. We wouldn't just watch these movies and move on. We watch them, look at the backgrounds of the producers, directors and writers (trying to grasp their perspectives that may taint their views). Then we honestly open the discussion of what about these movies are true to real life and which ones are not. It really can open a wonderful can of worms.

After spending the first four weeks deconstructing our own culture, then we want to learn about the larger-secular culture in which we live. Schaeffer's works, the book Escape From Reason and his movies series (although now dated) are great tools. While kids want to roll their eyes at this stuff (in the old montra) thinking ignorance is bliss or "Jesus wants you to be stupid" or "use faith not worldly knowledge" doesn't work. Kids can understand this stuff if they are willing and the teacher knows enough about it to teach it in a simply way.

While we are working through the first two courses we will certainly use scripture for a reference routinely. However, another great barrier to helping our kids is the concept that ONLY scripture should be used in church.

The worst example of this mentality was a man I met at a homeschooling conference. He had a long beard and his wife a bonnet (both looked like an American version of the Taliban). He raised his voice and declared (as we were having a discussion) "The Bible is the only book allowed in our home!" How sad. Those poor kids don't have a chance.

I was teaching an adult Sunday School class in Minnesota, a large E. Free Church. It was a class of about 30 adults. Most of us traveled from a large area to meet and we really didn't now each other. I decided to break up into small clusters (each week) and for the first 10 minutes answer an ice-breaker question, share a personal prayer request, pray and then come back together. The "ice breaker" questions were simply, "Where were you born?" "How did you meet your wife?" "What do you do for a living?"

The first time I did this, one man became very, very angry. He threw his chair back and marched out of the room. My wife was in his cluster so she followed him into the hall. He was in pure rage. By having people answer these personal questions, in his opinion, was a humanistic ploy that did not belong in a church. Only Bible teaching belonged in the church.

This is the same barrier I've run into with kids. There is so much for them to know and it is beyond Bible stories. They had Bible stories beat into their head since they were little. When you start to look at other things, rather than just scripture, many parents have a celestial coronary.

Besides using scripture as a frequent reference, the next course would be about hermeneutics. I want the kids from that point on know how to fish. So we will not spend a lot of time in Bible study . . . but a lot of time in "How to read and study the Bible."

I think I've said enough on this topic and will end it here. I was going to to into more of the field trips for example to a hospice center and talk to dying people, go and talk to all kids of non-Chistians, Buddhist, Mormons, atheists . . . because, it is my belief that it is far better to have you kid's faith challenged intensely, while you are around to help them sort it out, than to just "protect them" from any outward challenge . . . then when they are in college or have moved away, they meet these challenges alone.

Why Do Our Kids Leave the Church - Part II - A Possible Solution, Step 2

Obviously I’ve never gotten past step 1 . . . but this is fiction (but hoping to raise some real questions).
Feel free to chime in under comments and add your thoughts:

First Youth Meeting: I would try to meet away from the church building, such as a coffee shop (or wherever the kids like to hang out . . . if it is quiet enough to talk).

I would tell them that we are embarking on a totally new, and radically different, approach to Christian youth groups. I would encourage them to give my ideas a chance to work before creating an opinion. Next I would pass out a copy of my ground-rules/syllabus for the coming year.

Ground-rules:

1. The space of the youth group is a sanctuary. There is to be no judgmental attitudes from each other or from me. Jesus covers you entirely . . . PERIOD.

A. You can say anything in our group and the only important thing is that it is true. Doubting is welcomed. Talking about your mistakes is welcome . . . I’ve made a huge number of them.

B. I will not promise that I won’t speak to your parents (for example if a student voiced suicidal ideations) but I’m not going to report on them on a continuing basis.

C. I will treat you like adults and so therefore you will be expected to act like adults. Adults respect one another.

2. Honesty is paramount. You are to be the same person in youth group as you are anywhere else. You come to youth group with a seamless transition from your world outside of youth group. I want to deprogram the ideal that church is where you act superficial. So this means;

A. You should use the same language in youth group as you do along with your friends. If you use words that offend other kids in the youth group, then as adults, you should refrain out of respect. However, the one offended should also be “offended” in all contexts of their lives and not just in youth group.

B. If you smoke or have other bad habits, I don’t want you smoking in our setting due to health concerns (not legalism) but don’t try to cover up your breath with mints for our behalf.

3. Sunday morning service is optional. Yes, that’s right. Sunday morning service is optional. You should NOT go to Sunday morning church if you do it for;

A. Penitence, believing that coming to church makes God more pleased with you,

B. Guilt, feel too ashamed before God, your parents or your Christians friends if you skip church.

C. You SHOULD only go to Church if it does something positive for you such as fellowshipping with other believers, giving you a true sense of worshiping God, learning something meaningful from the pastor.

D. If none of the group can find a reason under “C.” to attend Sunday morning church service, then that is not your problem anymore than it is the customers’ fault that a store goes out of business. It is the fault of the ones who put on the Sunday morning service.

4. Being “stupid for Jesus” is no longer cool. It would be a great aspiration for each person in the group to get a PhD from a great school like Harvard, Princeton or Oxford. However, if you have no interest in higher education, then be or do whatever fulfills you.

5. Our youth group will be made up of a core curriculum plus field trips, which are described in the Syllabus.

6. The field trips for the youth group would not be water parks, go cart riding, skiing or Christian concerts. Those things are fine and God is glorified when you are laughing and having fun. However, the public schools, parks and recreation and other groups already do that. Go with them! We don’t need a separate “Christian” area of having fun from the non-Christian. Having fun is important but being entertained or having fun will not be a key part of the youth group. We will do some fun things together only because no one else is doing it (like museums).

Syllabus:

Core curriculum

This course will be for one hour each week and will deal with a variety of factors over the year. Consistent with the proverbial statement, “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach him how to fish” (okay, you know the rest), this course will not teach you WHAT to think, but HOW to think. This includes Biblical interpretation (hermeneutics), philosophy and all aspects of culture and thinking. (I will expound on this in my next post).

Regarding hermeneutics, I will steer the students away from the Gnostic/Dualistic Biblical interpretation that is endemic in most Evangelical settings . . . including youth groups. No more “God showed me a verse this morning.” It will also be studying the Bible, looking for the intended meaning of the authors in their cultural context. No more closing your eyes, ramming your index finger into a random verse, and knowing that was God telling me to ”Ask you out to the prom.”

We will spend a lot of time on culture, understanding where it comes from and how to live within it (or above it at times). This is includes all of its contributing factors of history (secular history not just the Old Testament), psychology, sociology and politics. None of this will be the “Christian (meaning politicized) Perspective,” but the actual facts. None of our study of history will have anything to do with pointing to the “End Times.”

The purpose of studying culture is found in the previously mentioned proverb. If you teach kids what to think, then they must live the rest of their lives behind tightly arranged, high walls to protect themselves from everything that is not included in those “whats.” But if you teach a kid how to discern, then you open the entire world up to them to explore . . . without fear. No more worrying about the demon behind every video game, book, song etc.

The field trips would include:

1) Going to Walmart and loading up on toenail clippers, emery boards, lotion, towels and basins. Then we would drive to the “Nicholasville” homeless camp in Seattle. Offer free pedicures to all the homeless people. The youth would not be there to “Share the Gospel” nor even allowed to (unless, in some odd way, one of the homeless people demanded to know). Nor will we mention that we are from any kind of church. We will clean those stinky (and I’ve dealt with homeless people’s stinky feet before . . . gross) feet all day long and have a ball doing it. While we are trimming their nails and scrubbing their feet, we will talk to them . . . one person to another and asking and learning about their lives. We would see the beauty in every person.

2) We will go and visit the dean of the department of Evolutionary Biology at the U. of Washington. We will ask him to try and convince us that there is no God and all life forms evolved from nothing . . . by chance. We will say nothing back but just listen and take notes and thank them for their time. During out next core class, we will discuss what he/she said . . . their good points and their bad points. The clichés (lazy person’s way out of any argument), such as, “Well I know God is there because there is a God-shaped void in my soul that He fills” will NOT be allowed!

3) We will take field tips to visit art museums, science exhibits and concerns of all types of music. We will go to comedy clubs, poetry readings and philosophy discussion groups.

These are just starters. I will add more over the next couple of posts. Feel free to add your own under comments.

Why Do Our Kids Leave the Church - Part II - A Possible Solution, Step 1

(Pictured at the right- "The Church Board")

The problem, which is well stated in Michael Bell’s article on Imonk, is that about 85% of the youth raised, who leave the church, do so by age 23 . . . never to return. I will add another statistic that one survey showed that 88% of kids raised in Evangelical churches, eventually leave. I want to move on and talk about some of the solutions, in my humble opinion.

As I mentioned under my personal caveats posting, I have tried and failed in the past. I am confident that others, who are far better gifted than me, could (and do) have a far more significant impact that I have had. I keep hearing rumors of these wonderful church situations that seem very healthy. I’ve been involve with seven churches since I’ve been married. I hand selected them as the best ones in each community. Yet, they were all typical of the churches that continue to hemorrhage the youth and in each one I ran up against the wall of traditional evangelical culture.

I will also mention Hope T.’s comments (three posts ago) that she hopes that her kids DO leave the Church. To expound her point, I agree, the 80% figure also captures youth who still consider themselves Christian, but have found that they can not function within the traditional Church. They may become what I call, The Donald-Miller Freelance Christians (DMFC). Most pastors, including my own, are extremely opposed to this concept. Of course they are opposed because they are deeply invested in the traditional church model. I would add that in my perspective, I don’t think the DMFC is the ideal . . . in the perfect world . . . however it may be the lessor of evils in many circumstances.

I know for one, my son Caleb (if he ever settles that he is a Christian) would have to find an extremely unique church before he would be involved in it. However, I do see him as this DMFC. The typical evangelical Church would drive him nuts . . . to the point of leaving the faith again. He can not stand the farce factor that he sees in most churches.

With that said, I want to launch out on how I would approach this problem, within the traditional church. I want the make the point that I think there are some legitimate and more radical approaches to the problem that would mean completely disassembly of the traditional church and starting over fresh. But the approach that I will describe will mean working within the traditional church.

A second point is that even with the best approach for our youth, still a substantial number will leave Christianity and there is nothing we can do about that. But that number could be more like 30-50% rather than 80%.

I will conclude this post with my step 1 and I will keep it brief. I will set the scenario that I am a full time youth pastor and I’ve been hired to help a large evangelical church (Grace Community Church) to reach their own youth because 80% + have left the church in previous years. Since this is fiction, I will make my character far more gifted in these areas that yours-truly really is.

Step 1: I would have a long, 2-3 hour informal meeting with the pastor. Then I would meet with the church board. I would drive home a few main points.

A. A huge issue at stake here. It is time to take radical steps to make a real difference.

B. You HAVE TO TRUST ME!!!!! I am theologically orthodox. I believe virtually the same things that Luther believed. Please don’t assume I am a heretic, a liberal or a new-age Christian with every choice that I make.

C. The American Evangelical Culture is an idol. Most churches worship this idol more than they do the true God of the old and New Testament. The whole church needs a deep repentance from worshiping this idol. I will not hesitate to violate principles of this idol but you must trust me . . . I will try very hard never to violate true teachings of scripture.

D. The boundaries of what we are allow to do can not be set by the most legalistic, anal-retentive, American Evangelical Subcultural worshiping 5% of the parents. They have the freedom to pull their kids out and find a new church that matches their unfortunate positions . . . and those churches would not be hard to find. There is virtually one on each corner.