Jeus in the Cafe IV - Jake's Day of Reckoning

You must read the previous 4-5 posts to understand this one.

(As John leaves the café, Jesus turns in his seat and looks over at Jake)

Jesus: “Well Jake, how’re you coming with your list of your Christian accomplishments?’

(Jake with a frown on his face, slides two napkins with about thirty lines of writing on each, towards Jesus. Jesus grabs then, then without looking at them, wads them up and leaves them on the table. Jake lets out a loud disapproving sigh.)

Jake’s Id: I’ve about had it with this imposter. Why in the hell did he want me to write all those things down and then not even look at them? He’s a first class con man and I’m ready to expose him. He has already offended John, and he’ll probably never come back to the church. As an elder and community Christian leader, I’ve got to end this here and now. God knows that Lacey doesn’t have the balls to do it.

(About this time Maria arrives with a large pan of water, a washcloth and towel. Jesus smiles gently at her.)

Maria: “Sir, you gave me far too much money for a tip. I didn’t even know how much it was until I was in the back.” (She hands Jesus the wad of money).

Jesus: “Oh, keep it.” (Pushing her fist-full of money back towards her.) “I really didn’t give to money for your sake . . . although I’m sure you will put it to good use. I really gave it to you for John’s sake. He must have been satisfied with my decision because he’s no longer here is he?”

Maria: (with tears in her eyes) Oh thank you sir!

(Melvin and Lacey are both looking at the pan of water with great curiosity, then Jake abruptly and loudly speaks)

Jake: “Okay, this circus is ending now! I’m now in charge of this meeting and I must expose you, whoever you are (looking at Jesus) as a fraud! We are done playing your little mind games.”

Jesus: “And you really believe that I’m not who I say I am? So, what would it take to convince you?”

(Jake looks both defensive and puzzled. After thinking for a few minutes, he speaks.)

Jake: “Okay Mr. hot-shot, if you are the real Jesus, do a miracle! Turn that pan of water into wine. Or take a sword, or kitchen knife . . . cut my ear off and then put it back on.”

(Jesus looks at Jake in silence for a moment.)

Jesus: “So you want a miracle. Everybody wants a miracle. Oh, you of such small faith. (long pause). Don’t they say that a pen is mightier than the sword? Then hand me your pen.”

(Jake takes his pen back out of his shirt pocket and hands it to Jesus. Jesus pulls another napkin out of the chrome napkin holder and writes on it. He spins it around where Jake can read it. Jake frowns and then goes completely white as sweat pops out on his brow. Lacey, out of curiosity, reaches for the napkin and reads it out loud.)

Lacey: “Jennifer Wilson. Jennifer Wilson, what does this mean?”

Jesus: “Ask Jake.”

(The color is starting to come back to Jake’s face).

Jake: “Oh, she’s a gal I knew in college . . . I may have dated her once.”

Jesus: “Well Jake should I tell them?”

Jake: “Tell them what? I mean that was a long time ago and I barely remember her. She was a real nobody on campus.”

Jesus: “She remembers you.”

Jake: “What point are you trying to make, Jesus?”

(Jesus turns to look at the whole group)

Jesus: “You see, Jennifer was a girl that Jake dated once . . . but she never dated him again because he raped her.”

(Jake looking very hostile)

Jake: “That’s a lie! I never did such a thing! Yes, I may have slept with her, but I slept with a lot of girls when I was in college. I was a football star and it was before I met Christ!”

Jesus: “But have we met?”

Jake: “Well, you keep claiming that we haven't, but, how did you know about Jennifer? Huh, tell me that!”

Jesus: “Oh . . . because I know Jennifer. And I know that she has never been the same since your little date. She was a virgin and you took that away from her against her wishes. The only reason she didn’t turn you in is that she was so ashamed . . . and still is.”

Jake: “I think her memory is wrong! Back in those days every girl on campus wanted me.”

Jesus: “She didn’t. Not in that way. Yes, you might have been her knight in shinning armor, but she didn’t go out with you to sleep with you. She wanted to be your princess, a princess that you respected. Jake, I know this is troubling to you, but it’s time that we dealt with the past.”

Jake: “That was all long time ago, but I am a totally different man now.”

Jesus: “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Are you a different man . . . really?”

Jake: “Oh, good grief. If you hadn’t wadded up those napkins you would see all the things I’ve accomplished for you over the past ten years.”

Jesus: “Could it be that you simply exchanged collecting football trophies to collecting Christian trophies? Wasn’t that napkin just another list, a list of trophies? And what about Jennifer? Did you ever go back and tell her how sorry you were? Did you ever tell her that none of it was her fault? And speaking of women, what about Nancy Gaver, at your old church. Do they know you seduced her?”

Jake: “Now that was a big mistake. I talked to my pastor AND MY WIFE about that, and I ended it!”

Jesus: “Only because you got caught!.

(Jake looks like he is about to explode)

Jake: "I’ve had it with this crap! I’ve done so much for this community . . . a lot of good. This church wouldn’t be where it was today if it had not been for MY leadership. I’m out of here and I’m not taking this abuse any more!”

(Jake jumps up and walks out of the café leaving only Jesus, Lacey and Melvin . . . both of them stunned and speechless.)

Jesus at the Cafe Part III - John's and Jake's Assignments

Above is Juan Gris' painting Man in the Cafe




(Jesus turns and looks at Jake)

Jesus: “Jake, you seem rather quiet. Are you still upset that I didn’t know you?”

(Jake just stares at Him)

Jesus: “Okay, here’s an assignment for you.”

(Jesus gathers two napkins on the table and shoves them in Jake’s direction)

Jesus: “You’ve got a pen right?”

(Jake nods)

Jesus: “Okay, write out for me all the things you’ve done for me over the years.”

(Jake looks perplexed for a moment then takes his pen out of his shirt pocket and starts writing. About that time Maria returns with a large plate of waffles with vanilla ice cream on top and sits them in front of Lacey)

Jesus: “Thanks Maria. Now one more thing before you go. Would you please bring me a large pan from the kitchen fill with warm water. A clean wash cloth would be nice . . . oh and a dry towel.”

Maria: (Looking confused) “You want a pan of water? Do you have a dog?” (she looks under the table.)

Jesus: “No dog . . . just need a pan. But wait a second.”

(He turns and looks at John)

Jesus: “John, hand me your billfold.”

(John reaches slowly, like he’s really confused, and pulls out his billfold and slowly hands it to Jesus. Jesus opens it up and pulls out all the paper bills in the bill section and starts to hand them to Maria. John grabs his hand.)

John: “What the heck you doing? You can’t give her my money. There’s almost five hundred dollars in there.”

(Jesus struggles and pulls his hand away from John’ grip and hands the money to Maria and winks)

Jesus: “Maria this is your tip for the waffles and the pan.”

John’s Id: What the hell is He doing with my money? This really frustrates me. I should have never hung out with this bunch of losers.

John: (after Maria walks away with his money) “This is so unfair! You’re not grabbing anyone else’s money. This breakfast has cost me seven hundred dollars now and it’s starting to piss me off!”

Jesus: (Looking at John kindly) “Unfair? Let me see. Maria here, well, she was brought to the US illegally when she was four. Her family paid an 'escort' their life savings for the trip. Their escort took their money and dropped them in the middle of the Arizona desert . . . and it was August. Maria’s mother died from dehydration over the subsequent 30 hours.

Maria’s father was a migrant worker and they traveled throughout California and up through the northwest. Usually three or four families were crammed into a broken down, two bedroom trailer. When she was sixteen, her father married her off because he couldn’t support her anymore.

Maria’s husband, besides giving her four children quickly, was a drunk. He beat her without mercy. She was finally able to get away from him when he was arrested.

Now Maria is raising her four children alone, working for minimal wage, about sixty hours a week. She still earns only about twenty five thousand dollars a year.

Then I look at your life John. You’re a single child of a lawyer couple. You had every thing you ever wanted. You parents paid your way to go to the best private schools. They paid your way to go to Berkley. Didn’t they give you a BMW at graduation?

Your dad arranged for you to get your first job. Now you earn over $250K a year and you too have one child. You have over 1 million dollars in your 401 K retirement account.

So tell me John, What’s not fair?”

John: “But Jesus, this is MY money and you have not right to give it away to others. I give my tithe to the church.”

Jesus: “Well, let me think for a minute. If you mean by tithe, 10% of your income, then I think you are mistaken. You give 3%, after taxes . . . 2% before taxes.”

John: “Hey go back to our old church. My wife and I purchased four oak pews. They weren’t cheap! I think they were a grand each!”

Jesus: “Hmm. I think there’s a brass plaque on the end of each pew with your and your wife’s name on it too . . . right? So you’ve gotten the credit you were looking for.”

John: “You know folks. I have never been so insulted as I have this morning. I won’t be back to this breakfast and I won’t be back to your church.”

Lacey's Id: Oh, no. Were going to loose John and he and his wife were going to be such good donors. I think Jesus went too far.

Jesus: “John, you weren’t coming back to their church anyway. You, as a cooperate lawyer, only use churches to find more clients. Haven’t you already realized that there’s not enough business men and women at this church anyway? I mean, you have already figured out that it isn’t worth your time.”

(John stands up, picks up his billfold off the table.)

Jesus: “John, before you go, I want to give you your assignment.”

(John looks down at Jesus with an angry look . . . but he listens)

Jesus: “John, I want you to cash out your 401 K and give the entire 1 million dollars (plus a few thousand) to Maria’s church.”

John: “You’re out of you’re freaken mind!” (Then he storms out of the café).

Jesus: (looking around at the group) You folks keep thinking I’m insane. Now isn’t that curious.” (Jesus smiles) “You know a son of mine, Jim, said once, ‘He is no fool who gives up what he can not keep to gain what he can not loose.’ He was a smart guy.”

Jake’s Id: That proves it to me that this man is a fraud. Jesus would never have someone give money to the Catholic Church!

Jesus at the Cafe Part II - Lacey's Assignment

Continued from previous posts:

Lacey: “Jesus, you know that I’m lonely. I try hard not to be, but I really thought I would be married with a couple of kids by now.”

Jesus: “Yes, Lacey, I do know that you’re lonely. I care very much about that. You know, I have sent you four great men and you weren't interested.”

(Lacey looking very confused)

Lacey: What men!? I don’t know of any men that came my way.

Jesus: Yes you do. Let me name a couple. What about Allen Page?

(Lacey’s confusion continues)

Lacey: “Allen Page? Allen Page, he wasn’t interested in me. I mean, every girl in seminary had a crush on him . . . but he was way out of my league. He never gave me a second glance.”

Jesus: “I beg to differ. Don’t you remember him asking you to help him drive the YMCA kids to the Christian music festival?”

Lacey: “But Jesus . . . he was only looking for another driver, not a girlfriend.”

Jesus: “Again, I beg to differ. He really was interested in you and I believe the two of you would have made a great couple.”

(Lacey goes from looking confused, to blushing to right out laughter)

Lacey: “Jesus, you must be crazy. That was during my chubby days. Guys never flirted with me then and especially not Allen.”

(Jesus speaks in a clam voice but very direct)

Jesus: “Lacy, do you really think I’m crazy?”

Lacey: (putting her hand over her mouth) “Oh no . . . just a figure of speech.”

Jesus: “Listen to me child. I’m telling you the truth, that Allen was very interested in you. He didn’t flirt with you, like some men did after you became thin, because he didn’t just see you as a semen depository, but a whole, wonderful women . . . whom he could really respect. Lacey you rejected every attempt by him to get to know you better, so he eventually gave up.”

(Tears start to come to Lacey’s eyes. Meanwhile Jake is appalled by Jesus’ language.)

Jake’s Id: I knew that this man was an impostor. He claims he doesn’t know me and of course the real Jesus would know me and of me. The real Jesus wouldn’t use such raunchy language either.

Jesus: “Lacey I think I know what you are thinking, and don’t go there. Allen is happily married now and has two lovely children. But there were other men. More recently, there was Bob Hodges. Don’t tell me that you didn’t know he was interested in you.”

Lacey: “Well, no, I guess I knew that he was. I mean I did go out with him a couple of times.”

Jesus: “But what happened? Bob was a great guy and extremely nurturing. He would have eventually made up for some of the nurturing that you lost out as a child. Your father left when you were five. Then you mother, who loved you very much, had to work two jobs to support you. Bob was an ideal man for you and was a humble follower of me. What went wrong?

Lacey: “I don’t know. It just didn’t seem like it would work out.”

Jesus: (smiling) “Lacey, should I tell them the honest reason?”

Lacey: (looking down) “I guess it’s okay.”

Jesus: “If I remember right, it’s because you thought he was fat.”

Lacey: (looking around the table and speaking in an emotional voice) “It wasn’t that simple! You see, I had worked very hard to get thin and I had finally gotten there. I was afraid if I hung out with Bob . . . or married him, that I would get fat too.”

Jesus: “Lacey, you have a fear of fatness because you don’t like yourself. It isn't because you think it will keep you from getting a good man. Here, you had a good man and you let your thinness get in the way. . . Look at me. Lacey, you are precious in my sight and I love you dearly. In my righteousness, I have given you immense value. You need to accept that. Do you think you can?"

Lacey: “Yes I think I can.”

Jesus: “Okay, my first assignment is for you. How long has it been since you’ve had waffles with ice cream?”

Lacey: “I don’t know. Maybe once, when I was a little girl.”

Jesus: “How long has it been since you’ve had any ice cream, you know more than just one bite?”

Lacey: “Years.”

Jesus: “Okay, I’m ordering you waffles and ice cream and I want you to do the same every morning for the next month.”

Lacey: “The next month! Are you crazy?”

(Jesus just looks at her and smiles)

Lacey: “But Jesus, I’ve worked so hard to get where I’m at. I’m sure I’ll gain weight if I do that.”

Jesus: “Yeah you will . . . just a few pounds. But that’s okay. Look at my faithful servant Luther. He loved his beer and his waist showed it. But he did, which few have, start to understand that my righteousness is his.”

(Jake is still siting quietly)

Jake's Id: "See this man can't be Jesus. Jesus wouldn't be promoting gluttony."

(Looking across the table at John Jesus speaks to him)

Jesus: “John, this brings me to you. Lacey here lives on about thirty thousand dollars a year, and she gives twenty five percent of that back to her church. Would you please pick up the tab for her waffles?’

(John smiling)

John: “Sure.”

John’s Id: I knew I shouldn’t have come here this morning. My future is not with this church anyway. Now it’s going to end up costing me $250. That burns me up . . . Me paying for this woman’s silly waffles.

(Jesus motions for a Hispanic woman, who’s in her upper thirties to come to the table)

Jesus: “Maria isn’t it?”

Maria: “Yes.”

Jesus: Maria, can you bring this young woman here a large plate of waffles and ice cream, I think vanilla is her favorite. If she fails to show up for one morning, in the next month, please let me know.

More to come . . .

Jesus Pays a Visit to the Prayer Breakfast

Jesus’ example of honesty . . . in love. As before I will use real dialog and then what they really think, in the deepest places of their hearts under the heading “Id.” Jesus of course does not have an “Id” because he speaks what he honestly believes.

Before we move along in this fictional story, I invite you to go back to the original post about Babel and language, at least to the post where I discuss the background of the main characters.

In this scene Jesus was invited to the Small-Town Bible Church prayer breakfast by Lacey, the youth pastor. I know that it is a bizarre scenario but I’ve taken creative liberties so play along.

Setting: Prayer breakfast and Lacey arrives with John, Melvin and Jake already there.

Lacey: “Hello everyone. I have some exciting news. Jesus Himself will be joining us this morning! Here He comes now.”

(Jesus walks up to the table, shorter hair, trimmed bread and wearing a tee shirt and jeans . . . typical dress for the modern man, just as a robe and sandals were in 30 AD)

Lacey: “Everyone, I want to introduce to you a man who needs no introduction, He . . .”

(Jesus, smiling motions for her to sit down)

Jesus: “Thanks, Lacy, but why don’t you allow me to the introductions,”

Lacey: “Of course. You already know everyone here, what was I thinking?”

Lacey’s Id: I‘m an idiot. I’ve made such a fool of myself. What was I thinking? Of course Jesus knows everyone here.”

(looking around the table in silence, Jesus finally speaks)

Jesus: “Hi John. How’s things at the firm?”

John: “Oh, very well. I’m really excited about several opportunities coming up in this next year.”

Jesus: “I can see that will mean a lot of money in your bank accounts, and a lot of professional prestige. But that’s just an illusion.”

John’s Id: Hmm. What does He mean by that? I would ask, but I’m afraid that I will say something wrong. I don’t want to offend the group. I’m still hoping to win the legal account for Jake’s business, so I just better cut my losses and just be quiet.

(Jesus, still smiling in kindness, looks next at Melvin)

Jesus: “And you are Melvin. It is nice to meet you in person.”

(Putting His hand on Melvin’s back, he turns to the group and continues speaking)

Jesus: “I realize that you know Melvin, but you don’t really know him. He is my friend but doesn’t really accept my gift of righteousness. I hope to change that in time.”
(Looking now at Lacey)

Jesus: “Lacey is precious to me.” (He leans away from Melvin and towards her and gives her a big hug. She has a huge smile on her face and watery eyes) This young lady is a gem but her soul is not satisfied in me alone. She does have her problems with envy, longing for the comfort and nurturing that she, unfortunately, has never received before. We’ll talk more about that in a moment.

(Looking at Jake with a perplexed look on His face)

Jesus: “And you sir, I don’t think I know you.”

(Jake has a terrified look on his face)

Jake’s Id: Why is He saying this? Of course He knows me.

Jake: “Of course you know me . . . you are Jesus.”

Jesus: “Yes, I am. But I only know that which the Father has revealed to me and I really don’t think I know you.”

Jake: “Jesus . . . of course you know me. It’s Jake! I’ve been faithful to you for twenty years. I’ve worked with Promise Keepers, finishing their discipleship program and I’ve disciple many men who are great leaders in their churches and communities.”

(Jesus still looking puzzled, Jake then continues)

Jake: “I think you are forgetting me. I mean, I’m the leader of the Christian Businessmen’s Association for two years now. Jesus, ask anyone in Small-town. They voted me the Christian father of the year two years ago. Doesn’t all that ring a bell?”

Jesus: “Hmm. Nope. I’ve never heard of you.”

Jake’s Id: This is a nightmare. Why is He doing this? This can’t be the real Jesus. He would know who I am. It doesn’t make sense that He would know a looser like Melvin and not know of me and my reputation. This is not going well and I don’t how I’m going to convince everyone that He’s an imposter . . . unless Jesus has a strange sense of humor.

More to come.

What Would /Did Jesus Do?--Language Continues

The other day I read my previous post to a Christian. She reacted the way that most Christians would. "Lacey was honest but she was cruel. That wasn't a loving thing for her to do. There's a place for honesty, but you can't go around hurting people's feelings."

Now, I'm not sure I agree with that. In the story, Lacey had a special gift, a strength from the Holy Spirit, in order to over come the huge social mores that forbid us from speaking honestly. I've tried to speak honestly, no where near the level that Lacey did, and I have suffered from it. I've made a lot of Christians mad.

I'm also not talking about being honest in the way that we are attacking others more directly rather than with veiled attacks that we normally do. Lacey was very transparent with her own weaknesses (like praying that she would not covet other women's husbands). When I speak honestly about my own failures, people are offended. It is strange. We all say that we are fallen, but when I speak of specifics, they see me as more fallen than everyone else . . . when I am just trying to be honest. As our Navigator boss on the mission field said to me once, "Mike, the way you speak, you come across as a very immature Christian."

But let us take it to Jesus. If my premise is right, that in our fallen selves we misuse language to cover our failures and to push others down, then Jesus must have done things very differently. But, if He has perfect love, he must have been the prime example of speaking honestly but in love.

I think if we turn to John 4, and read about his conversation with the woman at the well, he was very honest but not cruel. Sure, the woman must have been embarrassed about Jesus knowing about her sexual escapades. But this didn't drive her away, but made her want Jesus more. If He knew her so well, He would be able to "heal" her.

If Jesus walked into my house and sat down. Then rather than talking about his accomplishments or trying to put me down with veiled "spiritual" wording (in which I would tempted to fight back), Jesus looked me in the eye, smiled and said some very revealing and honest things about me, even if they were about my failures, I think I would want to get to know the guy better.

So, the last of my little experiments on this topic of language, I'm going to go back to the prayer breakfast with Lacey, Jake, John and Melvin . . .then have Jesus come and sit down. Stay tuned.

Lacey Speaks Honestly

Setting: It’s been a week since the last meeting. This week the same three are present, plus a guest, John, who just started visiting their church.

Lacey awaken that morning and during her personal quiet time, she read the verses from Psalms 15:

1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous, who speaks the truth from his heart

She had somewhat of an epiphany and prayed, “God help me to speak only honest things that are true to my heart.” She set in her heart to follow through in obedience to that verse. God does answer her prayer and with the Holy Spirit’s help, allows her to be much more honest than she could have on her own strength.

Lacey: “Good morning everyone. I don’t know if you’ve met John, but he’s visited our church a couple of times. He and his wife just moved here from Chicago. I really do hope they decide to join our church because we need more people to do more tasks, so we can create more programs so that we in turn, can attract more people. The more people we have, the more financially secure I will be in my job. John is a lawyer so he will be in the position to support the church financially than many other people because I guess he has a lot of money.

I invited John to the breakfast, and put a lot of guilt on him if he decided not to come, because if we get him to come to things outside of church, then it will be more likely he will join our church.”

(All the breakfast participants look oddly at each other).

Jake: Lacey, I think you are trying to be funny but I’m afraid that John here might be taking you seriously.”

Jake’s Id: How embarrassing. What is wrong with her this morning? John is going to think she’s a fruitcake. Well, she is, most women are . . . but he will think the whole church is a bunch of fruitcakes . . . including ME!

Lacey: (Seeming a little perplexed) “But Jake, I AM being serious. That’s the real reason that I invited him. I mean, I do care about him too and wouldn’t mind being his friend . . . after all he seems like a nice guy.

Now where were we? Why don’t I open us up in prayer.

Dear Lord, I really need your grace in Christ, because I feel like crap this morning and I have a lot of unresolved issues.

I’m feeling very depressed again because I’m in my thirties and not married. I always wanted to have kids and I don’t have any. I always wanted to have a great friend and husband to spend my time with, like most of the women in church. God, you know that I’m as mad as hell that you seem so unfair to me. Have I not served you faithfully? Yet, you have never given me my husband that I wanted.

I also would like to have sex a lot. I’ve only had sex twice, with men you didn’t give a damn about me . . but I would . . .”

Jake: “Lacey! What’s the matter with you!? Are you ill? I mean that was the most inappropriate prayer I’ve ever heard! It was a sacrilege!”

(looking over at John), “I’m really sorry John. She has never been like this before and I’m really confused about what is going on with her.”

John’s Id: This is the strangest people group of Christian people I’ve ever met. They're a bunch of fruitcakes. I can’t wait to get home to tell Linda. I don’t think we will ever visit this church again. I wasn’t going to anyway. They don’t know that I’ve already decided to visit the Small Town Community Church, which is much bigger and will have many more business contacts, which I need for my practice.

Lacey: “Nothings wrong with me Jake. I feel fine. I was just praying from my heart.”

Jake: Lacey, then keep those thoughts private. Is something wrong with you . . . I mean you sound like you’re drunk.”

Lacey: “Oh, I’m sure I’m not drunk. I just had one beer three nights ago. I have to drive fifty miles to buy beer so no one in our church sees me. You know, since I’m the youth director, if I get caught buying one beer my job would be toast. I hide it under my bed, so, no I have never been drunk in my life. I savor my Coors for a once a month drink . . . alone in my dark apartment. Then I have to bury the bottle in the bottom of the dumpster so no one sees it.”

Jake’s Id: Lacey covets me? Wow. She’s a cute girl. Stupid, but cute.

Jake: “Okay, Lacey, since you seem to be in rare form, and you’re taking this prayer breakfast in an unspiritual direction, I’m going to lead it for the rest of the morning.”

Lacey: “No you’re not. Pastor Dan put me in charge of this group and if I don’t remain in charge, I could loose my job. He would love to replace me with a man so he could have a back up in the pulpit. I can’t speak from the pulpit because it would ruffle too many old-timer’s feathers.”

Melvin’s Id: This is getting interesting. I want to wait and see how Jake handles this. Hopefully he will make a bigger mess out of things. He thinks he is God’s gift to mankind and I would love to see him screw up.

Jake: “Lacey, as a pastor of Small-town Bible Church, surely you support the official church doctrines including that women aren’t to teach men?”

Lacey: “Actually Jake, I think that’s a bunch of bullshit. I signed on to the doctrinal statement because I needed a job and that’s the only way I could get a job here. I think your arguement last week with Melvin about evolution, or age of the earth is a bunch of bullshit too. I'll sign the doctrinal statement if they change it, but that doesn't mean I believe it. I need a job!”

Jake’s Id: Man, that turns me on which Lacey uses words like “bullshit.” Her eyes are the deepest blue. I feel attracted to a helpless woman and she sure looks helpless now. But this situation is bad. She has really lost her way and I've got to help her.

Jake: As a church elder I am dismissing you from the leadership of this breakfast. This should be a place where we honor the Lord. Here you are saying the most hateful things, talking about alcohol and now swearing. I think the devil has gotten a hold of you. I’m now in charge and when we are done here, we are going over to see Pastor Dan . . . and then maybe a doctor.

Okay folks, I’ll open us up in prayer.

Dear gracious Lord, be with our dear sister Lacey and let her see how much we love and care for her. Whatever is ailing her, whatever has turned her heart dark I pray that spirit would be slain . . .

Lacey: “You want to slay the Holy Spirit?”

Jake: “What are you talking about? You’re being blasphemous!”

Lacey: “No, you are. I asked the Holy Spirit to help me be honest, and He . . . or should I say, SHE, did. That’s why I’m talking this way. You see I’m only speaking what’s on my heart!

John’s Id: This is the most interesting prayer breakfast I’ve ever attended. We have a woman who has gone nuts right before our eyes."

Melvin Id: I’m really confused here. I feel like I’ve got to speak up in this situation or I’m going to look weak. As usual, Jake takes control of everything and I just can’t sit back and let him do this again.

Melvin: “Lacey dear, you’ve been under a lot of stress lately and I think it would be a good idea if you get some help from a psychologist friend of mine. I hear Dr. Patterson is very good in helping people handle stress.”

Melvin’s Id: I should know. I met with Dr. Patterson for two years when I was going through depression. I hope he doesn’t mention to Lacey that he knew me professionally. The last things I want is for church people to find out I have mental problems.

Jake: “Melvin, is he a Christian psychologist?”

Melvin: “He’s good. Does it really matter that he’s a Christian?”

Jake: (shaking his head and smiling), “Of course it does. Lacey is under a demonic attack here and one of your humanist psychologist wouldn’t be able to figure that out.

I think the best thing is that I meet with Lacey for a while. I’ve finished a course in Nouthic Biblical counseling and I sense that I have a gift in it.

Jake’s Id: I would like to meet with Lacey privately for a while. There is something about a girl, especially a cute girl, who is vulnerable that I find attractive. Who knows what could happen after a few months. I mean, she has probably never had a real leader in her life like me.

Lacey: (laughing out loud) “I really think it is you guys that need the shrink. For the fist time in my life I am closer to speaking God’s truth than ever before and you want me to see a shrink so I can shut up. Don’t you think that is quite odd?And Jake, do you really think I would want to meet with you one on one to “fix my problems?”

Jake, everyone knows about your affair with the younger lady back in the church in Kansas City. The Evangelical world is a small world. Pastor Dan’s seminary friend was the pastor of the Methodist church there. We’ve never mentioned it so we don't embarrass you. So, I’m not so naive to meet with you like that. Yeah, I did find you attractive in a stupid school girl kind a way but I never do anything to jeopardize your family. I also find your spiritual ego very unattractive.”

More to come:

Language, Looking Behind the Facades

In my previous posts I've been talking about language and how it is misused by all of us fallen creatures. We don't use always it to communicate, but often to intentionally miscommunicate.

I really make Evangelicals uncomfortable when I even, compassionately suggest that someone is not saying what they really mean. But my point is that we are all in this fallen boat together. The error (and this is where I will connect this problem with Dualism vs Monism) is that Dualist Evangelicals assume that all relevant features of our being are spiritual. The spiritual is fluid and changeable. So, when we become Christians, we assumed that all the bad stuff (our previous emotional baggage, selfishness etc) vanishes and we are decent chaps from that point forward.

But, when that is not true (that beneath the facade we are desperate for seeking value in other peoples' eyes) we cover over our raw, not so godly, intentions with beautiful words.

Some Christians friends ask why I even go there (in this discussion)? I "go there" because I sincerely believe that we serve a God of truth. Throughout the Old and New Testaments God speaks of truth . . . and the opposite, Satan being the father of lies. But somehow, we've mixed that up to the point that lying for Jesus is epidemic in Evangelical circles.

To a Higher Honesty

It is very, very difficult for a sincere Christian to seek real honestly within the Evangelical setting. The Church (unfortunately) is a very dangerous place. If you do not say the right things all the time, you WILL be rejected. Since I made a decision 12 years ago, to try and live honestly, I've lost a lot of good Christian friends.

To illustrate this point further, I'm going to continue this prayer breakfast conversation but this time with a twist. One character, Lacey, started her day on her knees. Before God, she made a decision to start living honestly at all cost . . . because she realized that she serves a God of truth and she wanted to live in turth rather than dogma or pretending.

Stay tuned